Draconian Priestess
by VnikkiR
Summary: When Hitomi escapes from Zaibach, she makes it her mission to destroy it. But first she must find a cure to an illness that plagues her, solve the mystery of the Draconians, and explain the mysterious connection between her and Van, her least likely ally.
1. A Time to Think

**Draconian Priestess **

**I.**

**A Time to Think**

If one day, you and I were to meet, what kind of story would you tell? I know it wouldn't be like mine. Where I come from, parents are slaughtered and newborns are stolen at whim. Where I come from, children are being trained and experimentally altered by force. Where I come from, there is no such thing as growing, but becoming without a choice. I don't know you, and I don't know what path of life you have walked to get here, but what I do know is this: My name is Hitomi Kanzaki, and this is my story.

**

* * *

**

Eyes, shot open. Arm, stretched behind. Finger, rested on button. _Alarm Off._ I turned and looked over my shoulder to see two hands positioned in a perfect 90 degree angle. It was three in the morning, the same time I woke up yesterday. And the day before. And every day before that. I laid on my back staring at the ceiling trying to figure out why exactly I even bothered to set my alarm clock knowing that I'd just turn it off before it went off. I dismissed the thought with a sigh and got out of bed. This was not a time to think.

Quickly raking my hair with my fingers, I splashed some water on my face before pulling a few layers of baby tees over my head. Sliding my pants on, I realized I lost weight again. My fingers were rail thin, not that that was what it took to fit them in between my pants and my waist. The gap where the rest of me used to be was much too obvious for me to ignore. Tightening the drawstrings, I pulled on my shoes and went out the door leaving the idea of breakfast behind me. What good was it to use something to fill up the emptiness inside of me? Perhaps the smaller I become, the less of a void I'd feel. Maybe then, it wouldn't be so hard to breathe.

I shook the useless thoughts from my head and cleared my conscience. This was not a time to think. It was time for me to train. After stretching, I sped walked to warm up my body before breaking out into a jog. The jog turned into a run, and the run into a sprint. Fifteen miles later, I dove off a bridge into a vast body of water where I swam for another fifteen miles until I reached the shore of a mountainous region where I climbed another fifteen miles above land. The midpoint of my journey laid atop that mountain where I sat with my legs dangling over a cliff and admired the sunrise in glorious silence. Why must it always be fifteen, I'd ask myself every day. The end of my journey was not the place I was at now, but back at home. Three categories of activities of thirty miles each. I still had yet to understand my obsession with the number three and its multiples, but either way, the sun was rising, and I must return.

Six hours had passed since I first walked through the door earlier this morning. When I returned, everything was the same. Dark, quiet, and abandoned. After I showered, I pulled my long golden hair into a messy bun, leaving enough strands down to hide my face. Slipping my thick-framed, non-prescription glasses on my face, I put on some baggy clothes and dirty shoes before grabbing my backpack. My training was long from over, but now, it was time to learn. I never liked going to class, but I had to. Being a student allowed me to work on campus. And such access allowed me to slip into the pharmacy department unnoticed. I needed the knowledge and resources required to find a cure. And I would. No matter what it took or how long it took, I would find it. I must.

**

* * *

**

When I walked into the classroom, it was still empty. As usual, I was early. Settling into my desk in the back corner of the room, I sped read through the entire textbook within minutes again. Once I finished, I folded my arms on my desk and rested my head on them. I sighed. I had begun to feel a bit of pain in the frontal lobe of my brain when I heard a storm of chatter approaching the classroom. Even in the distance, I knew who was coming.

When the door burst open, I couldn't help but steal a peek at the sight before me. They were the group of cute guys and pretty girls with perfectly groomed hair, perfectly tailored outfits, and perfectly matched personalities that put the rest of the school to shame. But more so were the golden couple on campus, Van and his long-time girlfriend, Merle. Like the rest of their perfect group, the couple was perfect for each other. Van was the handsome star-athlete, while Merle was the beautiful star singer. And their arrogance was almost as sickening as their PDA.

"Hey guys, check out the nerd!" I heard Allen whisper to the group. Ignoring the mocking laughter and snickering, I heard Van say, "Whatever."

Allen was Van's brother, older by barely a year. He was incredibly quick to judge and point out the worst in everyone he met, especially me. I was, after all, an easy target. But even after spending the last couple of years being at the receiving end of his insults, I hated his brother more than him, and I absolutely didn't know why.

Van was always indifferent, but in a way that indirectly insulted me. His controlled arrogance wasn't just what bothered me, but something about his aura had me gritting my teeth. Why did I hate him so much?

But finding that reason suddenly didn't matter when our professor, Dryden, came strolling in with that cheesy smile on his face and reading glasses resting on the tip of his nose. "Good morning class! Let's get started, shall we?"

With a couple grunted disagreements, we began anyway.

"I hope you all read the assigned chapters last night," Dryden said. "Cause you're gonna need it for the field trip, and if you don't know what's going on, you'll be screwed. So for those of you slackers that thought you'd leech off of someone else this week, you better use that bus trip wisely and read your damn books! Get it? Got it? Good! Now I believe we have a couple kids who aren't gonna be sharing this incredibly educational experience with us, so will those who will not be attending remind me who you are again?"

A few students raised their hands.

"Merle, you're not going?" Dryden asked in surprise. "Since when?"

"Since this morning," Merle replied. "The company finally got it in their senses that I'd be the best performer for the opening weekend's rotation. That's just ridiculous! Who else would be better for the job? I mean-

"Right," Dryden cut her off sarcastically. "Anyone else not going cause the world just discovered how brilliant you are? No? Fabulous. Now bring your crap and let's get this show on the road!"

I sighed again. It was too early in the day to lose my patience to Dryden. Though a very knowledgeable scientist, he was much too blunt and sarcastic for my taste. I just prayed that I would last the long journey from Asturia to Fanelia.


	2. Amber Eyes

**Author's Note: **To be honest... I'm literally making this up as I go along. I'm not even putting any thought to it. So if it seems confusing or the quality is bad... that's my fault XD I'm just experimenting with what would happen if I were to write this way, because I tend to spend waaay to much time perfecting every word to the point where I stop writing, lol. It's starting off a little slow, but hopefully my imagination won't be so boring, k?

* * *

**II.**

**Amber Eyes**

I looked to my left. Then to my right. Nothing. Good. I swiped my access card and unlocked the door to discovery: the pharmaceutical lab. Shutting the door tightly behind me, I tip-toed silently to my workstation where I brought out my equipment and chemicals. Before I began, I looked at the clock. We were to meet by the front gate by noon on the dot, but for now, it was eleven.

"I gotta work fast..." I mumbled to myself and took a quick, deep breath. "Ok, this combination didn't work as well yesterday..."

And soon, I was completely enveloped in my own world of science. But this was not just an experiment I was preparing for extra credit. This was my life. Before I knew it, I had a new batch of pills bottled and ready to go. I looked up at the clock again. "Shit!" I exclaimed. It was ten pass noon. I started cleaning up and putting my equipment away in haste, when all of the sudden, a sharp, piercing pain shot in the back of my head. "Ah!" I screamed in pain as I stumbled across my workstation and knocked over a glass flask. I heard it shatter to pieces on the floor, but paid no attention to it. I opened the bottle of pills I had just conjured a moment ago and swallowed three.

Almost immediately, I began to feel the pain ease a bit, but it didn't disappear as soon as the sudden knock at the door to the lab rattled to my ears. "Hitomi! Are you in there?" a voice called out from behind the door. My ears were sensitive enough to know exactly who it was that possessed such a strong, masculine voice. But how the hell did he know I was in here?

I quickly cleaned up whatever mess I had left and went over to the door. Calming myself down, I brushed the stray strands of hair from my face and opened the door. "What is it, Van?" I asked monotonously.

"You're late," he said simply.

I suddenly felt self-conscious under his eyes. He was always calm and composed, but confident in a severely intense way. His eyes could burn a hole through me if I let him stare at me long enough, making me look away before I felt myself catch on fire. "You mean for the bus? I was just on my way," I responded while shutting the door quickly behind me. I noticed Van stare into the room before I closed it, but started walking away to avoid any suspicious questions he might ask. "By the way, how did you know I was here?"

"Dryden sent me," I could hear his voice following behind me. "He assigned partners while we were boarding the bus, and since I'm stuck with you, he figured I should go and find you. Besides, where else would you be?"

I stopped mid-step. I heard him stop as well.

"What is it?" he asked impatiently. "Did you forget something? You better hurry up or the bus will leave without us."

I placed my palm on the wall next to me and leaned on it, completely ignoring the young man behind me. My other hand unconsciously worked its way up to the side of my head as though the pressure of my fingers would magically make the pain disappear. _Damn_, I thought to myself. _The medicine's not working._ I shook it off and pushed myself off the wall. "No, I didn't," I replied and walked off. When I didn't hear him follow, I turned to look at him. "Are you coming or not?"

Van stood there, barely showing any reaction as usual. _Did he notice?_ I wondered. "Well, I guess you're the one we'll be leaving behind now," I said and made my way toward the school gate without looking back.

* * *

"Hitomi!" Dryden yelled out my name from the front of the bus. "You're late!" 

"So I've noticed," I murmured under my breath and climbed into the bus. "I apologize for my tardiness, professor."

"Well, you're here now, so just find a seat and..." Dryden's voice trailed off when he spotted Van a couple strides behind me. "Ah, yes, so I believe Van's told you of the arrangement for partners?"

"I wasn't aware there would be such an arrangement in the first place, professor."

"Well, it's been planned, picked, and assigned, so get used to it," Dryden said with a wink and that same cheesy smile I'd long to wipe off his face.

I took one more look at Van and walked down the isle to an empty row of seats in the back of the bus when I realized that they were the only seats available. _Lovely_, I thought as I turned around once more and told Van, "I call window seat."

"As you wish," he shrugged.

Soon, we were seated and the bus took off onto our journey from Asturia to Fanelia.

* * *

I stared out the window. We passed by many lively towns filled with many people, all living their lives carelessly and joyfully. It was strange to sit there and really take in the scenes before me, for when I ran through these streets, my focus was on my training, not sightseeing. It was too surreal to even witness such freedom. What was it like to live so freely? Were these people truly smiling? Or did they have something to hide? 

Over the years, I've found it much too aggravating to hide and realized that the best way to avoid such nuisance was to stay invisible. It was unfortunate that doing so brought upon a different, undesired form of attention.

"Yo, Van," I heard Allen 'whisper' to the boy next to me. "I heard you're stuck with the geek. How do you think Merle's gonna deal with that when she finds out?"

"She won't," Van replied.

I couldn't help but shift my vision towards the corner of my eye and stare at him. _She won't? _I repeated to myself. _How could she not? _The question soon evaporated from my mind like forgetting a dream when you wake up. It was the headache. My fingers worked their way up to my temples and rubbed in attempted alleviation, but to no avail.

To put it simply, I was sick. It wasn't the type of sickness normal human beings got. It wasn't cancerous or a tumor, nor was it a disease or a virus. It just simply was. I'd had it all of my life, or more precisely, since my life was taken from me. When I was younger, I had chronic mild headaches, but the older I became, the worse it became as well. That was when _they _began to treat me with shots to prevent me from having severe episodes of seizures. Once, I tried to run away when an episode hit me and I fell into a coma. When I woke up, _they _had tightened security, and I knew then that if I were to run away, I would have to learn how to find a cure myself. If not, I could fall into a coma again, or worse... I could turn. Into what, I still didn't know. But some days, when the pain worked its way into my body, I could feel something inside of me changing, something that wanted to burst out of my skin. I wished I had the courage and strength to find out, but I was much too afraid of what I'd become. For now, I still hadn't perfected the formula to match the effect the shots had on my sickness, and I was still far from finding the cure, but for my sake, and for the others... I must.

I found myself reaching into my backpack and felt around for my bottle of pills. Opening it, I popped another pair into my mouth and leaned back covering my eyes with the back of my hand irritated. _Why isn't it working? _I asked myself.

"That's dangerous."

I peeled one eye open and peaked through my fingers. "Excuse me?"

"Overdosing," Van said. "You took two barely an hour ago."

I sighed. "It's my business."

"Here," I heard a familiar rattle of pills tumbling over each other. "If it doesn't go away, take these."

I put my hand down and looked at the bottle he held in front of me without making eye contact. "What is this?" I asked.

"Merle gets bad headaches during that time of the month," Van answered simply. I almost choked on the pill I had long swallowed. Did this guy really just talked to me about his girlfriend's period? "She always forgets her meds, so I had them packed. I forgot to take them out when I found out she couldn't go. So, you can have them."

I took a long glance at Van wondering if he was lying. For a moment, I thought it could've been a prank, but no one could have possibly known that I would have headaches this bad. "Mine works just fine. You can save those for your girlfriend." I shifted myself to face the window and closed my eyes to sleep, knowing very well I wouldn't be able to do such a thing.

"Whatever," I heard him say and put the pills back into his pocket.

* * *

I pretended to wake up when I heard the bus come to a screeching halt. Peering out the window, I noticed we had finally arrived Fanelia. It was breathtaking. We had parked in front of the Pier by the Oceanside, where the ocean was as blue as the cloudless sky and the sun reflected brilliantly in the water's surface. For a moment, I gazed at the seagulls hovering above and envied their ability to fly. I wished I had wings and could let myself go. To just be and exist without pretense. That was certainly a dream. 

Readjusting myself in my seat, I looked over and noticed Van was still seated, but tense. His brows were furrowed and his hands were gripping the bus's cheap, fake leather seats until they turned white. He was sweating. "Van?" I bent my head down to get a better look at his face. Then, I gasped. His eyes were a blazing red. Since when were Van's eyes red? "Van?" I called out more firmly and hesitantly gripped his arm and shook him. "What's wrong with you?"

Suddenly, he turned his face, and before I could react, his eyes were inches from mine, and they were a deep hazel brown as they had been before. _What...? Why...? _I began to ask myself.

"You're too close, Hitomi," Van said.

My mouth gaped open for a moment before I came right back to reality. "You're the one who's too close, jerk!" I threw back at him and shoved him away. Getting up, I walked down the isle of the bus that had emptied without me noticing. What was wrong with Van? Why was he acting so strangely all of the sudden? And why were his eyes red? My eyes were sharp, and without a doubt, I could see that his were red. Only for a moment, but I was sure that they were.

My thoughts on the subject matter were distracted when I got off the bus and realized that my headache had somehow disappeared almost instantaneously. But it didn't make me feel the way the pills made me feel after I took them. Wherever it was that my headache had disappeared off to didn't matter, for at that very moment, it was the best I'd felt in years.


	3. Fainting Spell

**Author's Note... Again:** I'm actually going out of town for a week, so I decided to update again today... Might as well, right? Hope you like it, nya.

* * *

**III.**

**Fainting Spell**

"Ok, we're all here," Dryden mumbled through the pen in his mouth after taking attendance. "I'm hoping you all still have your itineraries with you. If not, you're screwed and will have to kiss my ass to get one of the last ten copies I've got. Anyway, for the rest of you who still have it, there's a map provided in the back of the packet that marks where everything is. Once you are assigned your cabin number, go settle in. You're smart, so find it yourself. Just to review, the packet has everything you need to know about the trip. We'll be meeting tomorrow morning inside the main lodge. You're free until then. Don't try to play the tourist, and _don't be late_."

At those last words, I suddenly sensed someone staring intensely through my back. I turned and noticed it was Van. Of course he'd be staring daggers into my back, I was late for the bus, so he probably figured I'd be late tomorrow morning. I smirked. Dawn was beyond the time I wake. Tardiness would definitely not be a problem for me.

"I've got the cabin numbers here," Dryden held up a chart. "Because you've been assigned permanent partners for the whole trip, the staff decided it'd be best to keep them together for communicative purposes. Therefore, cabins have been assigned by partners."

My mouth hung open in disbelief. I heard a chorus of dismay echo through my classmates. I didn't have to voice it to express my own dismay over the arrangement, but I was certainly much more against it than anyone.

"So listen for your name and cabin number, cause I ain't callin' them out more than once," Dryden announced. "Hitomi Kanzaki and Van Schezar! You're cabin three. Here are your keys."

I blinked. This had to be a sign. And a good one too. Even in the unluckiest of predicaments, I still managed to get a cabin whose number was three? Yes, I'd decided. A sign it would be.

* * *

"I call top bunk," I said as Van unlocked the front door to our cabin. 

"But you called window seat on the bus," Van argued. "If anything, _I_ should call the bunk I want."

I rolled my eyes. This guy was such a baby! "Fine, call it then."

Van flicked the light switch and gazed around the cabin. "I call bottom bunk."

I cringed. "My call would've gotten you the same bunk!"

"Whatever," he said and pulled the strap to his large duffel bag over his head. Resting it next to his rolling suitcase besides the bunk bed, he rolled onto the twin-sized mattress and breathed a deep sigh.

I couldn't help letting a sigh out myself when I put my backpack down.

"Is that all you brought?" Van asked without opening his eyes.

"I pack light," I shrugged and walked around the cabin. On one side of the room, there was the bunk bed, and on the other were two closets with cubbies to fill our stuff with. And on one side, there was a door leading to a small bathroom, and on the other was the front door. In the middle of the room was a large desk with many drawers that I assumed were filled with scientific equipment. _Good, I can use the new ingredients in this area and try out some different formulas, _I thought, remembering that I had already taken a dozen pills since I made my latest batch. The sixth pair must've worked, because since we arrived Fanelia, I hadn't felt sick at all.

"I'm going for a walk," I told Van.

"Dinner's gonna be served soon," Van reminded me, with his eyes still tightly shut.

I looked away from him and stared out the window of the front door, unconsciously feeling the slight lining of my ribcage through my shirt. "I know," I simply answered as I walked out the door.

* * *

The sun had long set over the horizon when I stopped walking the grounds near the Pier. My small carry bag was already filled with dozens of plants and berries waiting to be chemically altered into something that could possibly be the cure to my illness. Unable to carry anymore, I decided to return to my cabin, but before I could take another step, I felt my stomach growl. I never had that much of an appetite, but I knew I was pushing myself and needed to eat. 

It was probably about nine o'clock or so, so going to the dining hall wouldn't do me any good. Perhaps I could find something in my bag back at the cabin. From where I was standing, I knew the cabin was at least two miles away. That distance had definitely never been a problem for me obviously, but at that moment, I was feeling abnormally weak. I'd gone for days without food and water before, but never had I felt as weak as I did that moment.

It was strange how extremely well I felt when I descended the bus earlier this afternoon, and as soon as I left the cabin to go on my walk, I felt the headache return as well as a pulsating pain begun to radiate through my body. It started out softly; gentle enough that I knew it was there, but not enough to really hurt me. With each step I took, I could feel the blood in my veins boil and my muscles were screaming. I couldn't help but scold myself for walking out this far with my current state.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks when I heard an echo of laughter coming from behind a thick brush to my left. My keen sense of hearing caught onto youthful voices, but I was too far away to distinguish them. I would've ignored them, but there was a sweet, burnt scent that tickled my nose. It made my stomach growl even louder. The cabin was still a ways to go, and I couldn't help myself from being drawn to that delicious smell.

I made my way to the brush and peaked through the branches and leaves. The youthful voices I had heard belonged to my classmates of course, but it just had to be the beautiful ones. Instinct told me to walk away, but they were roasting marshmallows over an open fire, and I desperately needed to eat.

"Hold up," I heard Allen say. "Did you guys hear that?"

"Hear what?"

_Great..._ I thought. _Van's here_.

And indeed it was. Lost in the thoughts of my dismay, Van had shoved the brush aside and inevitably ended up just inches from my face once again. I didn't react, but oddly so, nor did he.

"Oh, it's just the nerd," Allen announced to a snickering audience.

"You weren't at dinner," Van said without a single twitch.

"I wasn't hungry," I replied, trying hard to match his steadiness, but failing. "But..." I tried to swallow my pride. For the first time, I was actually asking for some sort of help, and I could barely bring myself to do it. It was like trying to swallow a gigantic jawbreaker, you want to eat that much, but it is difficult to eat it at once. "But I am now."

Van just stared, unmoved still.

"Yo Van," Allen called out behind him. "Your mashmallows are gone!"

I peered behind him and noticed a branch holding four marshmallows had caught on fire and burnt them all into ashes. Even in its inedible state, I couldn't stop myself from staring at it with hungry eyes. My mouth was salivating, and my hand had unconsciously rested itself atop my stomach.

My attention returned when Van finally turned his back on me and walked back to the fire. My eyes shifted downward. Suddenly, my courage had disappeared, and in my slight embarrassment, I turned and walked away from the fire. I knew I couldn't ask them. Not them.

Not long after, I heard Allen call out, "Where are you going?" while heavy footsteps were approaching me fast. It took all of my strength to look over my shoulder, and I nearly tumbled over when I saw it was Van. He had come running with another branch in his hand, which had poked three marshmallows that were freshly lit on fire. When he got to me, he blew the fire out and handed me the branch.

"It tastes better burnt," he said while trying to catch his breath.

I hesitated at first. One could imagine the confusion that was written all over my face. But my hunger overrode any doubts I had and I immediately took the branch from his hand.

"Go straight to the cabin," he ordered before leaving me to return to the fire. Normally, I would scoff and scold him for trying to tell me what to do, but at that moment, it didn't matter. I sunk onto the ground and devoured the three marshmallows in an instant, licking the branch dry until there was nothing but bark left. It wasn't much, but just enough to give me some strength to return to the cabin.

* * *

Half an hour later, I had returned to the cabin. I was exhausted. I was sure the marshmallows I had eaten just thirty minutes before had long dissolved on my journey back. I stumbled through the cabin door, preparing myself to rummage through my backpack to find any food. But my nose caught onto a delightful scent before I could even turn on the light. When I did, I found a tray on the table in the middle of the room. There was a cover on it, but when I went to take it off, there was a whole meal gleaming at me. 

"Where did this come from...?" I asked no one in particular.

"Hitomi?" I heard a voice call out behind me. I turned and found Yukari, a shy and timid girl from my class.

She carried an empty flask and had an open notebook in hand. "I hope I'm not bothering you, but I was in the cabin next door and saw you walk by..."

"Working on an assignment?" I asked, eyeing her supplies.

"Oh, yeah," she replied with a nod. "It's for extra credit actually..."

I stared. "Need some help?"

Yukari's eyes lit up like a child before a Christmas tree. "Really?" she squeaked. "I hope I'm not a bother..."

"Not at all," I said while pulling out two metal stools. "So what do you need help with?"

Yukari's eyes looked passed me. "You haven't eaten dinner yet?"

"Hm?" I turned around and looked at the tray of food again. "Oh, that. It was already there when I got back. Probably Van's."

"Maybe he got it for you," Yukari said carefully. I stared at her. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry! It's just that, at dinner, Dryden complained when Van went back for seconds and took a whole tray of food. He just apologized and said he'd eat it in his room, so..."

"So maybe he realized how full he actually was," I said. "Now what do you need help with?"

After helping Yukari complete her extra credit assignment, she left, and I still hadn't taken a bite of Van's dinner.

"It belongs to him," I whispered shakily. "Why should I?"

And then, I collapsed on the floor.


	4. Wrongful Judgment

**Author's Note: **I'm back from vacation! Joy! This chapter has some open ended stuff in it, so if you're confused or anything, just ask me and I'll write you back, k?

* * *

**IV.**

**Wrongful Judgment**

"You idiot!" I heard a masculine voice talking to himself, or rather, to me through gritted teeth. "Why didn't you eat anything?"

I slowly peeled my eyes open and felt myself being propped up in Van's bunk. I turned and saw Van pull the two stools over to my side and picked the tray up from the table and sat beside me. He unwrapped a fork and spoon and began stirring what looked like beef stew.

"I knew you'd be hungry later so I brought you dinner," he said without looking at me. "You didn't even touch it."

"I thought it was yours," I whispered.

He finally looked at me. "So you'd starve yourself to death because of _that_? It's just food! If you want it, take it!" Van picked up the bowl and brought a spoonful of stew to my lips. "Eat."

"What am I, five?" I asked sarcastically while pushing myself up into a more comfortable sitting position. "I can feed myself, thank you very much."

"And that's why I found you passed out on the floor," Van replied with just as much sarcasm. "Eat."

Huffed and puffed I may have been, but I was much to weak to fight the brat any longer, so I opened my mouth and ate. Van never said anything after that, but kept feeding me without looking into my eyes. With not much else to do, I just stared at him. I always knew what he looked like, dark charcoal hair and light hazel eyes on bronze skin. Always confident and handsome with subtle charm. The popular boy that was oddly able to keep to himself in a crowded room. And yet, at that very moment, he looked very different to me. And I couldn't help but wonder how someone with such a beautiful face could wear such a sad expression.

"I don't understand why girls think they need to be so skinny," Van suddenly murmured to himself. "Is it really worth it? Doing what you're doing?"

"Doing what?" I asked with squinted eyes.

"What you choose to do with your body is no business of mine," Van began. "But it'd be a crime to not saying anything when I could have... You're killing yourself. Don't you even notice?"

I tried to take in what he was trying to say. "Are you implying that... I'm anorexic?" I almost laughed at the irony, and yet felt it was an inappropriate time. "You know nothing about me, and yet, you make such a wild assumption. You people must have a lot of time on your hands to be so judgmental of others."

"You people?" Van repeated. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a smart guy, Van," I said. "You figure it out."

Van just sat there, spoon in one hand, bowl in the other. He stared with a frown for a moment before beginning to feed me again. "So being alone, does that make you more righteous than others?"

I looked up at him.

"You do the same to others, judging them, yet you think you're not wrong because you have no one to tell your thoughts to," Van continued. "If you had someone, you'd be no different from us."

"That's not true-

"Then tell me," Van interrupted. "What do you think about me?"

I blinked. "What does it matter what I think of you? At the end of the day, you'll always be who you are. Arrogant, egotistical, and selfish. Just like the rest of them."

A loud sound of the ceramic bowl being heavily put down on the wooden stool surprised me. Van had stopped feeding me and was looking away. Though he looked bothered, he still showed no sign of anger. "You're just like her, yet you talk about her that way."

"I'm just like who?" I asked.

Van didn't respond immediately. Instead, he let out a sigh and stood up slowly. "Maybe we're not the ones that are arrogant, egotistical, or selfish, Hitomi." He turned and looked at me. "Maybe you're just using us to talk about yourself."

And with that, he left.

I had never sparred with Van before, but I always thought that if I ever had the chance to, I'd defeat him. But at that very moment, there was nothing I could say to counter his last statement.

* * *

Later that night, I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning because my stomach hurt so badly. I hadn't eaten anything after Van left the cabin and didn't return. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was because I knew I couldn't. 

Suddenly, I threw off my covers and climbed out of Van's bed. The sound of my feet padding against the hard wooden floor filled the cabin until I stumbled through the bathroom door. Lifting the seat, I cowered over the toilet and threw up. Looking down into the bowl, I noticed a bit of red in my vomit.

"Why..." I said quietly. My head hung low as my lips quavered. Tears bit my eyes and began to well in my vision. But I blinked them away and flushed the toilet.

Determined, I stomped out of the bathroom and back to the stool where the bowl of beef stew still sat and shoved the remaining content into my mouth. Some of the stew was running out from the sides of my lips, but I didn't care. But as soon as I swallowed my last bite, I was sent running right back to the bathroom.

I coughed and wheezed. It was an ugly, unpleasant thing, throwing up. But I couldn't stop.

I walked back out of the bathroom and ate whatever remained on the tray, and still, I couldn't hold it down. My stomach was hurting so badly, I almost couldn't take it. After flushing one last time, I rolled my limp body to lean on the bathroom wall. Taking deep breaths, I wrapped my arms around my thin figure, wishing whatever was left of me would disappear.

"Why?" my weak voice croaked. My vision blurred as hot tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I was so hungry, I couldn't stand it. But I couldn't eat, not because I was afraid of getting fat. It was because I couldn't.

I slowly climbed onto my feet and walked towards my bag. Pulling out the bottle of pills that was already half empty, I stared at it. "It's because of you..." I whispered through gritted teeth. I stared and stared, squeezing my grip around it the container broke in my hand. I felt a broken piece cut into my palm, but it didn't hurt as much as my heart was.

"Why?!" I screamed and threw the pills across the room, scattering them all over the floor.

I gasped for air, trying to calm down, but to no avail. I sunk onto my knees in defeat and felt the rest of my body tumble onto the floor, shaking as I wept. I'd always been strong. Never had I been as pitiful as I was at that moment.

Van was wrong. He was so wrong.


	5. If

**V.**

**If**

A ray of light poured through the cabin window and warmed my face. Dawn had long come, but I could not rise with it. I was too tired, too much in pain, too... everything. Laying here on the cool floor all night made my thoughts wander. I began to think about the one word that I truly loathed: if. Why such a word existed was beyond a mystery to me, for it only consumes your sanity with regretful possibilities.

If...

If my parents never had me, they could still be alive...

If _they_ never took me, I could've lived a good life...

If _he _didn't make me become this way, I could've stayed human...

If.

"Ah!" I cried in frustration as I pulled out the broken shard from my hand. I sat up and held my palm in front of me, watching the blood leak from the wound. I hadn't seen so much of my own blood since I left that horrid place...Zaibach. It still surprised me that I bled red. Perhaps I was still human after all.

I quickly pulled out a roll of dressing to tend to the cut on my hand before I bled to death. It was a small injury, but the pills I constantly took had thinned out my blood. Sometimes I wondered why I continued to take them, for they seemed to do more harm than good. They did help alleviate the pain I was constantly in, but only temporarily. And now, it had made my stomach so weak that I couldn't handle eating food.

But I knew that I couldn't just give up. I still hadn't found an effective cure yet, and there was no other way of testing out my batches of medicine, for I was the only one with such an illness, and even if I had a test subject to perform on, I couldn't subject them to what I was going through. I sighed heavily, wondering how the children were doing and how long they must continue to suffer until I was ready. Not just ready to cure them, but ready to save them.

I stood up and felt my chest through my shirt. On the pads of my fingers, I could feel the mark that had been branded on my skin through the thin fabric. It scarred deeply in my skin with crystal pieces lodged in the grooves. I tried to pry them off once, but it wouldn't come off no matter how hard I did it. It made me wonder if it was lodged into my heart, for it hurt the most every time I tried to take the crystals off. "Dornkirk..." I whispered. Saying his name out loud sent shivers down my spine and made me angry all over again. "You _will_ fall by my hand."

Though it bled, my hand was still strong, and that attribute was something I needed to regain in my heart. "Why are you so weak, Hitomi?" I asked myself. "You were never like this." I walked into the bathroom and leaned on the sink. Turning on the facet, I filled my hands with water and splashed it across my tear stained face. Staring at my sad reflection in the mirror, I told myself, "Be strong, Hitomi. You have to be."

With a sigh, I nodded with a new found strength and proceeded to clean the room up. Van never returned after walking out the night before, but it was better that he didn't come back. After our heated argument last night, I wasn't sure how I would be able to work with him.

I still didn't know if he was right or if he was wrong about me. I would've thought he was wrong before, but now that I thought about it, perhaps he was right. Maybe the idea of seeing such youth be lived so freely and carelessly had made me envious of them. After all, they had what I didn't: a normal life. They didn't have to worry about whether they'd never wake up one morning or having to hide from assassins with a bounty on your head. And they certainly didn't have the burden I carried on my shoulders.

But was Van right? Knowing now that I thought this way, who was I to think that others didn't feel pain? Or that their pain was immeasurable to mine? Had my suffering made myself so arrogant? To be alone, I had allowed myself to be selfish. But for my mission, it was necessary. That's what I would like to believe.

I halted in my tracks and frowned. I was thinking too much again. This was not a time to think, but to act. Van and the others were not involved in what I needed to do, so thinking of them would be a waste of time. What I needed to focus on was how I make Dornkirk fall. But to get to him, I knew that I had to defeat someone else first. My once dear and only friend... Folken.

* * *

"Hitomi!" Dryden called out. "Nice of you to join us so bright and early in the morning!" 

I approached my professor and classmates who all snickered at my tardiness. "I got lost," I lamely replied.

"Right," Dryden squinted his eyes suspiciously. "Anyway, for the rest of us that got here on time, you all know what to do. We'll meet again for lunch at noon. If you finish your assignment early, then you're free till dinner at six. Turn in your work before then, got it?"

A chorus of acknowledging grunts echoed in waves within the ocean of students as they all headed towards the harbor. I looked around and stopped when my eyes caught a glint of red in the crowd of my classmates. It was the color of Van's shirt. He stood there with his arms crossed, unmoved, facing the harbor. I took a step, then two. The closer I got to him, the more I realized how broad his shoulders were. He was like a pillar of strength, never breaking at the aggression of the wind. What was he thinking? I wondered.

When I reached him, I found myself unable to tap his shoulder. I wasn't sure what I'd say when he turned around. I was almost too ashamed to face him.

"Did you finish dinner?" I could almost feel his voice vibrate from his back. It caught me off guard that he could sense me behind him without even turning to see me.

"It's gone," I answered. It wasn't really a lie, but he didn't need to know the details.

"Did you have any breakfast yet?" he asked.

_No_... I thought. I had completely forgot. But after the episode we had last night, I couldn't answer him.

I heard him let out a heavy sigh. "Hopeless," he said as he walked towards the harbor.

I frowned. I didn't understand why it bothered me so much that he thought of me this way.

Ever since I escaped Zaibach and hid in Asturia, I had only one worry in my mind, and that was to complete my mission. I couldn't live freely just because I escaped, not now, not after I'd seen what I'd seen. Not when the children were still suffering. Not when I could stop it from happening anymore. To stop it... that was my wish.

I knew my own truth, and I'd seen others' truths with my eyes. Perhaps my interpretation of others' truths was not correct, but what I thought would never change what it really was. That's what I always thought. So why should I care about what others thought of me when there was no way they would even begin to fathom the brutality of the life I'd been forced to live?

What I needed to focus on was my mission. And yet, this one person's perception of me has bothered me. For once, it mattered to me that I was not misunderstood. But how did Van, the one person I hated for some inconceivable reason, become the person with an opinion that mattered to me?


	6. Reason of Being

**Author's Note: **I'm not used to updating so frequently (see my previous note about what a perfectionist I was at my writing...). I still feel like I'm doing a sloppy job, but this way of writing is really allowing me to just pour ideas rather than dwell on the same chapter for weeks, haha! As you'll see from this chapter, I tend to write more about character's thoughts than just writing action sequences. Hope you're not bored. This is random, but I listened to Gackt's "Secret Garden" for the first time last night. He really soars, especially in the chorus. When I find the right music, I can write forever. Enjoy!

* * *

**VI.**

**Reason of Being**

At the harbor, everyone began to board a white boat large enough to fit all of us but small enough that we could almost reach over the edge and touch the water. I still wasn't briefed, so I didn't know where exactly we were going, but blindly followed the others.

"Not that we'd be doing cannon balls off a plank," Dryden began. "But the water's a bit rough today. So if anyone would feel more comfortable with a life jacket on, there's a whole chest of them right here." He pointed to the piles of bright reddish orange colored life jackets in a chest.

A couple of the students grabbed them and put them on.

Allen sneered. "Y'all are a joke! We're just going off the coast and you gotta wear _that_ ugly thing?"

"Shut it, Schezar," Dryden warned him. "If anything, you need one more than the rest of us. How does a grown ass man like you not even know how to swim?"

"What the hell?" Allen's voice did a crescendo, overpowering the laughter of my classmates. "Van, you told him?!"

"The island's pretty far out," Van explained. "I had to let Dryden know."

"Asshole," Allen crossed his arms and leaned back on the bars

The water was indeed a bit rough. The wind blew waves big enough to sway the boat up and down, left and right. I could tell it would storm soon.

"Professor," I called out to Dryden. "Isn't it dangerous to go out in this weather?"

"What weather, Hitomi?" Dryden asked pointing to the sky. Though it was weak, the sun was still out. Though it was a bit gray, the sky was still blue. Apparently, this guy needed a couple more clouds to know that bad weather was coming.

"It's going to storm soon," I replied. I didn't guess it, I knew it. I didn't know how I could sense it, but I could just feel it in my bones. A storm was coming.

"It's just a little wind, Hitomi," Dryden said. "Besides, we're on a tight schedule. We can't continue the field trip without making this trip to the island first."

I sighed. _What an idiot_, I thought. "It's your call, sir."

"Exactly," Dryden answered with a wink. "All right everyone, time to get this boat off shore! If you have any questions, ask your partner. And if your partner doesn't know, ask someone else's partner. If they don't know, what the hell are y'all doing here?! I'll be below deck, so if you must, wait till we get to the island to ask me."

I cringed as I watched him walk down the stairs below deck. "What kind of professor is he? Asking _us_ what we were doing here... we should be asking _him _that."

"He's teaching."

I looked over my shoulder. Van was watching him descend the stairs, too. It was the first thing he said to me since we got on the boat.

"Teaching what?" I asked with furrowed brows. "He doesn't even take this job seriously. He's so irresponsible."

"And you're not?" Van threw a question back at my question. I looked at him. He looked at me. How was I supposed to respond to that? He let out a heavy sigh and looked away. "Dryden isn't being irresponsible. His methods are just unorthodox. It's not that he's trying to abandon us as a teacher, but he's trying to teach us to rely on ourselves."

I kept staring.

"Science is universal," Van continued. "And yet, when you're in it, you're alone. It's a very lonely place to be when you're learning about it. But that's what Dryden's trying to instill in us, a sense of independence. One must learn to do and think for themselves with what they're given. He may hold out a hand to help us stand up, but eventually, we have to walk on our own."

I couldn't stop staring.

"Maybe you see him as being a bad professor," Van suggested. "But if you look at him without pretense, you'll see that he has a reason for doing what he does... just like you."

"Huh?" I breathed out.

Van looked back at me. "I see you as being bad to yourself. I don't know exactly what it is you're doing and why you're doing what you're doing. But there must be a reason. Whether logical or not, that reason must be decided by you. Maybe I was right or wrong about you last night, but if I was, I've said what I did. It's up to you now to decide what path to take."

And with that, he walked away. I found myself staring at those broad shoulders again, not just looking at the strength that existed in his physical self, but the strength he held within. How could it be? That this man that kept to himself and hung out in such a crowd could actually think so much? I never thought much, for to me, it was never a time to think. Only to act. But for someone so young to be that mature was extraordinary.

Such a characteristic made me feel nostalgic, for it reminded me of how Folken used to be.

Folken was one of the many children whose parents were slaughtered so that they may be taken away. He arrived Zaibach a few years before me, and it was his calm, protective nature that made us friends. Had I been alone, I didn't know if I'd survive Dornkirk's wrath, but Folken was always able to understand him in a way that almost scared me. He was wise and mature, much so like Van had been just a moment ago. Before, I may have treasured his way of being, but now it scared me.

It was because of his understanding nature that Folken was manipulated into siding with Dornkirk. Why was it that the more one was able to understand others, that they become more accepting of their ways, whether it be right or wrong? To Folken, no one was ever good or bad. Everyone just had reason. Reason for being and reason for doing. What his reason was for becoming that sick man's ally was a mystery to me, but over the past few years, I found him slipping further and further away from me. Was it because I could not think the way he thought? Was I not understanding enough? Was I fighting on the right side?

I knew that Van had nothing to do with Dornkirk and what was happening in Zaibach, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling a seed of doubt sprout inside of me. This understanding nature was good in that it made one wise, but it was evil in that it made one think with reason and not morality. If Van were to face Dornkirk, would he see him the way Folken did? Or would he see him for the monster that he really was? I may not ever know the answers to the queries of my heart, but at least now I knew that it didn't necessarily matter what Van thought of me. Because though he didn't understand that I wasn't delibrately hurting myself, he understood that I had reason.

I turned and leaned over the boat's edge watching the ocean flow by. I still didn't completely get why I hated Van all this time, but aside from envying the freedom of his existence, it might of been how alike he and Folken were. I'd never seen it until today, but they were truly alike. It was that attribute that Folken was taken from me. Perhaps I was afraid that Van could become someone I feared I could lose because of this.

I laughed. This was why I didn't think so much. The more my thoughts wandered, the more ridiculous they began to sound. Van and I were from different worlds. He and Folken were two different people. How could he possibly become someone I'd lose when he was never mine to begin with?


	7. Wait For Me

**Author's Note: **How many of you are fans of Japanese singer Ayumi Hamasaki? If not, you're missin' out! I just got a hold of a leaked copy of her latest single to be released next month called "talkin' 2 myself", and it's really good! It's one of her darker rock songs, very dramatic and epic. I wrote this chapter while listening to it, so if you'd like the link to DL this song, write me a message or leave the request in a review. I hiiighly recommend it... just like I highly recommend reading this story? LOL, this one goes back in forth with Hitomi's past and what's going on in the present. Hope it's not confusing. Enjoy!

* * *

**VII. **

**Wait For Me**

We had gotten to the island and completed our first assignment by late afternoon. On our way back, I couldn't stop checking my watch. One minute passed. Then another. The more time went by, the darker the sky became. And soon, I was certain that we would not be able to escape the storm. The driver of the boat became increasingly panicked, and Dryden was having a hard time ignoring my words. I would've smirked at him with an I-told-you-so attitude if I wasn't concerned with the storm as well.

My classmates weren't stupid and knew that this much was so. They all began to cling to each other and moved closer to the middle of the boat, some sitting down on the deck's floor, and some scurrying to the chest full of life jackets to put one on. Soon, I was surrounded by a bright reddish, orange hue. The only people that didn't have one on were Dryden, because he was too busy harassing the boat's driver to go faster, and Allen, because he was... well... Allen.

Truth be told, I didn't need one either, but that was a fact. I'd been trained for moments such as these. But I wore one as to not create suspicion. I cringed when I remembered how Dornkirk dumped us into the ocean on a regular basis.

One stormy morning, before dawn had risen, Dornkirk's soldiers invaded our quarters and dragged us out from our bunk beds while we were still asleep. They stuffed us in a truck and took us to a harbor where Dornkirk was waiting on a boat. I remember staring out the window from below deck and watching any sign of land disappear in the distance. We all sat there, cold from the lack of clothing, groggy from the short, interrupted sleep, and hungry from being left unfed.

_Where was he taking us?_ We all wondered.

The boat finally stopped in the middle of nowhere when the soldiers came to fetch us. Dornkirk just stood there, calm as ever, and looked at each one of us in the eye. He had said, "Swim to the boat. We leave at in an hour. With or without you." And then, he had his soldiers throw us over the edge, one-by-one, into the water.

He then told the driver to park a hundred meters away. A hundred meters in a pool was nothing to us. But a hundred meters in a stormy ocean was different. Doing so in an hour was different. Being left to die was different.

The last time I was given that task had become my last, for when I escaped, it was days after _she _died.

"All right everyone," Dryden's voice crackled through the salt eaten speakers. "It looks like a storm's coming..." His voice seemed to drift off and for a moment, his eyes landed on me. "So I'll need you all to head down below deck. This is not Titanic, you're not gonna die, so stay calm and take your time. If you don't know how to use your life jackets, ask your partner. And if they don't know, ask someone else's partner. I'll be with the driver for the time being."

I sighed. He was being irresponsible again. But then, my memory flashed back to last night with Van. He had told me he thought Dryden wasn't being irresponsible, but rather, he was trying to instill a strong character and values into us in a rather unorthodox way. I was still convinced that he was just trying to make his job easier in a selfish way, but the more I looked at him, the more I could see the concern he held in his eyes for each and every one of us.

I looked away. I was used to someone having great expectations for me, but I wasn't used to them showing concern as well. If I were to die, it would be because I wasn't enough to live. That was our disadvantage, we were replaceable. That was, everyone but Folken. He was, compared to the rest of the children, irreplaceable.

Folken was the best of us. The smartest, strongest, fastest. He could learn anything he was taught within minutes and could complete any assignment given to him with a speed and efficiency that was beyond our capabilities. Dornkirk's alterations and training worked with complete success with Folken, and I always admired him for being so adept, but then I loathed his giftedness because it was because of that that Dornkirk chose him to be by his side. It was because of that gift that Folken changed into someone I didn't know anymore. It was because of that gift that I never tried to find my greatest potential. No matter what they did to alter us or to train us, I knew that I must always hold back.

I always thought I was average among the children, but after witnessing what had happened to Folken, it was my wish not to become Dornkirk's right hand, for I'd rather die a thousand deaths than serve that man for the rest of my life. I didn't want to do more than what was necessary, and that kept me hidden in the youthful crowd. But the truth was, I wanted to know what I'd become. How strong was I really? If I had to, could I face Folken now, the way I was at that moment? Would I lose?

My thoughts were shaken when the choppy ocean water sent the boat into a wave of see-saw motions. Dryden was already inside the glass room with the driver while everyone scurried their way down the stairs below deck. I waited to make sure everyone got down ok. Someone had to.

The deck was beginning to clear within the chaotic madness, but from behind me, a voice asked, "Aren't you going down?"

I turned around. The wind blew his thick hair wildly. His eyes squinted through the raindrops that flowed down his face like tears. And though the weather was becoming worst, there was a sense of serenity in his voice. Was this why I hated him? It was like he didn't know how to react to _any_thing.

"I will," I answered. "I'm just waiting for it to clear."

Van looked over at the stairs. "Don't wait any longer; it's too dangerous to stay up here."

"What about you?" the question just slipped off my tongue without my consent, really.

"I'm looking for Allen," Van said.

I turned and looked around the deck. It was hard to see with all the rain and the rest of my classmates running about. But I spotted the long locks of golden hair through the slight fog and pointed at him. "There!"

Van whipped his body around and called out, "Allen!"

Just as his voice left his body, the boat was suddenly hit with a big, strong wave, tipping it to an awkward slant. The impact sent Allen's body right over the boat's rail, and before I could hear him splash into the water, Van went ballistic.

"Allen!" he screamed as he ran across the deck and dived right over the edge and into the churning ocean water. I stood there, completely dumbfounded at the reaction I just saw. Did Van really live his emotions just now? It was the first time since I'd met him that he showed so much passion for anything he set out to do. But then again, his brother's life was in danger after all. If it were me that fell in the water, he might not have even cared.

I shook my head. This was not a time to think. This was definitely a time to act. I followed Van's footsteps, but stopped at the rail. Looking over into the water, I spotted Van looking around from the surface. Even with my eyes, I couldn't see past a certain depth for ocean water. All I could see were some rocky terrain that stuck up far from the ocean floor. Then, I spotted that golden hair.

"Van!" I screamed, hoping he could hear me. And he did, for he looked up at me, anticipating my words. "Over there!" I pointed where I could still spot a bit of Allen's hair, but he was sinking quick, and the idiot didn't have a life jacket on.

I watched as Van dove under water in a desperate search for his brother. Dryden had come out from the driver's room and stood behind me in great shock. "Did someone fall over?!"

"Allen did," I replied. "Van's trying to save him."

"What?!" Dryden exclaimed. "This isn't a time to play hero! The water's too out of control... they won't make it!"

"I know," I whispered.

A mad gust of wind blew, and the water's current suddenly changed. I watched as Van went tumbling through the water and hit his head on one of the rocky surfaces.

"Van!" Dryden called out his name. It was no use, Van wouldn't hear anyone, not this time.

"Wait for me."

"What?" Dryden asked. As he said that, I climbed over the rail and dove into the cold water. As I went flying from the boat's deck, I could hear my professor calling out my name. The despair in his voice tugged at my heart. When did I last hear someone say my name so desperately? Was it when my parents were about to die?

The rush of cold water quickly wrapped every curve of me. It was freezing, but I was used to such temperature. The current was rougher than I thought, so I knew I needed to give it my all if I were to save Allen and Van. Taking a big gulp of air, I dove under and concentrated on my sight. It was hard to see through the moving current, but I still kept my focus.

_Allen_, I thought to myself. _Where are you..._

Then, I rushed back up to the surface and took another gulp of air. "Damn!" I spat. At the rate I was going, Allen would surely never recover. I needed to use _that_ if I were to find him. I sighed. This was not a time to decide what was right or wrong. Someone needed me, and I must save them. I must.

Taking a deep breath, I dove under and positioned myself. Closing my eyes, I placed one palm over the other on top of my chest where the crystals were lodged deep in my heart. Focusing all of my energy, I tried to gather it towards my heart. Soon, I could feel the crystals glowing. They warmed up my body, and soon, I was ready.

My eyes shot open, and though I couldn't see them, I knew my eyes glowed a different color. I looked around, and almost instantly, I found Allen. Changing the flow of energy inside me, I spread it to my limbs and went flying through the water. When I reached him, I pulled off my life jacket and put it on him. Blowing it up, I followed him to the surface so that I may get some air. When I reached the surface, I noticed we had drifted by the boat where Dryden waited for signs of us.

"Hitomi!" Dryden yelled. "Is that Allen?"

"Yeah!" I yelled back. "Take care of him! I'm going back for Van!"

And before he could say anything, I dove back under and focused my energy to my core once more.

I began to feel a pain in my head. I had felt fine since that morning, but suddenly, the pain began to pulsate through my brain. Ignoring it, I focused on my energy, but then, my heart began to hurt. _What..._ I thought, losing my concentration. My heart didn't use to hurt before, but maybe it was because I was using my crystals. When I escaped Zaibach, Dornkirk had only begun to teach us the basics of using our crystals. At that moment, a part of me regretted that I didn't stay longer to learn how to fully control whatever this power was. Was it power? Or just something lodged into my heart?

I violently brushed off my thoughts and tried my hardest to focus. Time was running out. Van had been under for about three minutes now. I needed to find him before...

Suddenly, my heart burned, but it didn't hurt. My crystal glowed bright, and I could feel a flame bursting from inside me into my limbs. The feeling that I experienced was inconceivable. I couldn't explain it, but somehow, I could sense everything around me, like I could _feel_ them around me. I knew exactly where the boat was, where the nearest land was, even where every life in the marine was. As overwhelming as that feeling was, I was able to pick out Van's location and flew through the water quickly.

_Hang on Van,_ I prayed. _I'm coming._


	8. The Last Word

**Author's Note:** To be honest, I wasn't gonna make this a "supernatural" type of story. I wanted to keep it as close to realistic as possible, but after introducing the heart crystals (which I still have yet to give a name for...) I thought, oh what the blob! (Yes, I said blob.) Let's just do it! Is it random? Is it weird? Do you like it? Mehhh, let's just see how this plays. I have to admit, I started rushing through the end... Oh well... Enjoy!

* * *

**VIII.**

**The Last Word**

The current was strong. Too strong. Even with my sudden boost of energy, I couldn't fly through the ocean water fast enough. I could sense the boat steering further away from Van and me, which to my disdain was understandable. I would've told Dryden to leave as well if I were still on that boat. We could not risk the lives of many for the life of one, though that one life, I knew no matter what I would stay behind and save.

I never thought of myself as a hero. Just responsible. Responsible to do what was necessary, that's what I thought.

But how does one decide what was necessary? I could easily turn my back and pretend my past didn't exist. I could lead as much of an 'ordinary' life as possible for someone, or rather, some_thing_ such as myself. I could die the way I wanted to. But why, why couldn't I do that? Why must I be here, at this very moment, searching for Van? Why?

_There!_ I thought as I spotted a glimpse of Van ahead of me. He was still unconscious and tumbling through the rapid ocean water, looking weak and vulnerable, both characters he had never displayed since the day I met him. _I guess we're even now..._ I thought. He'd seen me in my own embarrassing state of weakness and vulnerability. And now, I saw his.

The task was not over yet. I focused my strength and energy into reaching him, and when I did, I clung onto him tight. Surely, wherever this... power... was coming from, it wouldn't last for long, and I wasn't going to waste anymore time. Blasting to the surface, I was gasping for air. How long had I been under? I couldn't even remember.

I squinted through the harsh rain, softly slapping Van's face. "Van! Van, wake up!" But his head just rolled down without a response. Suddenly, a wave overcame us. We were swept under water for a moment, a moment that was beginning to become much too long for me. When we emerged once more, I tried to check his breathing and pulse. My sharp senses felt nothing, and for a moment, I panicked. "Damn it, Van! Wake up!" I screamed and pounded his chest.

Another wave overtook us, and I knew immediately that yelling at him wouldn't solve anything. Even if I were to swim to the nearest form of land, I knew he'd be dead by then. When we rose from the water once more, I stared at the blurry image of his face. Was it drops of rain or drops of tears that were running down my eyes?

I was taught never to get attached to a mission, especially if it involves a person. I was taught to control my emotions. I was taught to act and react. But at this moment, I was hesitating, for a pang of fear had shot through my heart. What if I couldn't save him? If I couldn't save _her_ when _that _happened, surely this time wouldn't be any different... Had I lost all confidence in my abilities? Was I useless?

Was I worthless?

"Damn it, Hitomi!" I scolded myself as I quickly positioned Van as best as I could to perform CPR. We were never trained to do CPR under such circumstances, but I had no choice. Van, whether he was aware of it or not, was dying. And I was his only hope for survival.

I wrapped my legs around his waist to steady my hold of him. Pinching his nose shut, I held up his chin and sealed my lips around his. _Breathe..._ I needed him to breathe. I needed his heart to beat. And I needed to get the water out of his lungs. I wrapped one arm around his back and placed the palm of another on his chest. It was a bit awkward, but I was able to thrust hard enough to make his heart beat.

Ten seconds... twenty... thirty... soon, another minute went by, and I was still performing CPR. Van showed no sign of regaining consciousness. It was then that I looked up and saw a massive wave curling over our heads. "Van!" I called out to him, like that was going to help. I looked back at the wave, and before it came crashing down, I pulled him as tightly against me as possible and dove under while sealing my lips over his once more.

I didn't know why I did that. It's not like he could breathe anyway... but then I noticed it.

My chest had begun to feel warm, since when, I wasn't sure. My heart crystals were glowing. They only glowed intensely when the need for its power was necessary, and my need must had been extreme, for my heart began to feel like it was on fire. It got so hot that it started to hurt. I wasn't calling upon its power, what's happening to me?

I felt the bodies of Van and me tumble through the ocean's current, thinking that soon, I may be alone in that massive body of water. And though I hated him for some unknown reason, I certainly did not want him to die.

_Van... you can't die_, I prayed.

While we were still under water, I placed my palm on his chest once more and pushed down as hard as I could to get his heart beating. It was then that I noticed something else. My palm began to feel warm. Or rather, what I was touching was beginning to feel warm. _What..._ I stared at his chest.

Suddenly, my eyes grew wide open. _It couldn't be... _I thought in disbelief. A light, though dim it was, had begun to shine through Van's shirt. It grew brighter and warmer under my hand, and the more that it did, the hotter my crystals burned. Soon, it burned so hot that I couldn't help but let out a scream. And in a split second, the heat turned cool, yet I could still feel a flame in my chest like that of fire. Surely, a cold flame doesn't exist... but whatever it was, a surge of power electrocuted from my heart to my veins, and then, back again. Reaching my center, I felt it blast through my hand into Van's chest.

I froze. _What just happened?_ I couldn't understand it myself. But whatever happened, it worked, because Van's eyes began to flutter open. _Impossible..._ I thought. Surely, a miracle as ridiculous as this one did not really exist...

But no matter. It was still not a time to think, but to act. And though Van was beginning to show signs of life, he was still far from recovery.

* * *

It happened so fast. Too fast. I had been able to sense the nearest form of land closest to us. It was a small, uninhabited island that rested far from the mainland with a sandy cost, some wooded areas, and a mountainous landscape. Somehow, I found the strength to bring both Van and me to this place, and though he was drifting in and out of consciousness, he was breathing to my relief.

The storm had left a wake of hard rain that found it difficult to find a dry place to rest and recover. With Van on my back, I had hiked for miles until I spotted an empty cave that ran deep enough to hide from the rain. I had set him down on the ground and collapsed beside him as to think of what to do next.

Even if the storm died out, attempting to swim such a long distance with someone on my back was risky. And I was certain that a rescue crew wouldn't be able to search for us in such weather. Who knew how long it would be until we were rescued...

As exhausted as I was, I pushed myself up into a seating position. "Van?" I called to him. He was asleep, but looked troubled. With furrowed brows, I laid my palm on his forehead and felt the beginnings of a fever, something he was already quivering from. It was cold and dark in that cave, and if he was to live through the night, I'd have to change that.

I left the cave to salvage whatever dry wood was left to make a fire, but couldn't find any. Settling for wet wood and leaves, I used my heart crystals to spark a flame until it was strong enough to warm up the entire cave, a little trick I learned before I ran away from Zaibach. We had learned how to use our heart crystals for basic survival and defensive needs, and I couldn't help but feel grateful that I'd learned that much at least before I left.

"Ugh..."

I heard a soft moan come from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and my face fell. Van was curled up like a fetus in a womb, but without a mother's warmth to protect him. He was shivering hard now, and it wouldn't be long before pneumonia attacked his weakened body.

I closed my eyes and slowly let out a deep breath.

Upon opening them, I climbed to my feet and walked over to Van. Crouching down, I whispered, "I guess I have no choice, do I? I hope you forgive me for this."

And then, I started rolling up his shirt. His clothes were soaked in a mix of acid rain and salty ocean water, weighing down the cold fabric. His skin felt damp and cool from being stifled under his wet clothes. I paused to lift up his arms before pulling his shirt over his head. When I did, I froze.

"You're..." I began. In the midst of my shock, Van started to wake up. "You're..."

"Hi...tomi?" he whispered weakly.

"You're just like..." I couldn't even finish it. My eyes traveled from his chest to his eyes. Why couldn't I say it? What was holding me back? Was my shock that great?

"Hi…tomi," he whispered once more.

That one word that sat on the tip of my tongue refused to slip out.

"You're just like… _me_."


	9. The First Promise

**Author's Note: **I just went through a life-altering experience. I'm not sure if that will make my writing better because I suddenly feel I have so much to write about, or if it will make my writing worse because I'm too distracted to focus on what's going on... But I hope all of you are doing well. Time is something we cannot create or buy, so please spend what time you have left to live to the fullest. It is never cliché to believe in such a thing. We may never feel a complete sense of fulfillment when our time is up, but we can try our best to do so for this moment. And this very moment, for me, is to bring you a story. I may not be the best writer in the world, but I hope you take something from it. Enjoy.

* * *

**VIV.**

**The First Promise**

Though the cave was bathed in warm light, at that moment, it was the darkest and loneliest place I could be. Since the day my parents were murdered, I had always been alone. Even though I was among many like myself in Zaibach, I had always felt alone. Even just now, with Van Schezar lying on the ground before me, I felt all alone.

But then, I saw them. A cluster of crystals that were somehow surgically attached to the heart in Van's chest. They looked exactly like mine, and I almost felt like I was staring at a reflection of myself. Though I couldn't explain this feeling I suddenly felt, knowing that I wasn't the only one that escaped from the clutches of Zaibach made me feel like I wasn't alone anymore.

However, instead of feeling closer to him, the distance between Van and I grew wider. Before, he was unfamiliar to me, and now, he was more like a stranger to me than ever before. How could it be, that this person I barely spoke to before this trip, be the same as me? How did I not notice? Was this why I hated him so much?

Being so close in proximity to him made me realize that all this time, I was able to sense his heart crystals, but the feeling was so weak that I wasn't able to figure it out. No wonder I hated him... I loathed anything that reminded me of Zaibach. And this feeling I sensed was so nostalgic that those feelings I tried to bury kept resurfacing every time I was around Van.

"You're just like...me," I said once more, as though I were afraid for it to turn out to be a lie. Was that how I really felt? That this happiness of being able to find someone I didn't have to hide my true self from would leave me? I never realized how much of an emotional toll keeping my identity a secret had taken from me.

Van let out a groan as he tried to sit himself up. Rolling down his shirt, he hesitantly asked me, "You're... like me?"

My hand unconsciously slid its way onto my chest. I traced the outline of my heart crystals through my shirt with the pads of my fingertips. "I guess... we are the same."

Van didn't say anything.

I continued. "But... I don't understand. How..."

Before I could finish my question, Van collapsed back onto the ground. "Van!" I threw my hands on his shoulders. He was still conscious, but shivering badly. My fire was not enough to combat the bitter cold our wet clothes left us with. Surely, he wouldn't make it through the night. And I was not one to overestimate my body's tolerance to such an extended exposure.

"Van, we have to-

"No," he whispered hoarsely.

"What do you mean no?" I asked him. "You're gonna get sick if you don't warm up!"

"But you..." he began, his voice trailing so softly. "I can't... let you... not that."

I stared at him. Then, I began to take off his clothes.

"Hitomi!" Van objected, but was too weak to fight me off. "Stop it!"

As I continued undressing him, I said quietly, "My life ended when Dornkirk murdered my parents and took me away. My body has been mutilated by pins and needles. I don't even feel human anymore." When I was done, I gathered Van's clothes and went to lay them out by the fire to dry. Staring into the golden flame, I continued, "So please spare me the respect of a woman's virtue. My only purpose is to do what's necessary." Then, I began to take off my own clothes. "And right now, this is necessary."

"Hitomi..."

His voice was... soothing. No one had ever said my name so gently. It was strange to me that he would be so concerned with something so trivial over his own well-being. After all, it wasn't like we were about to engage in sexual intercourse. We just needed to share body heat, that's all.

When I was done, I walked over to Van. He wouldn't look at me. I lied down beside him without making any contact. "It's all right if you look at me, Van," I told him. But he still didn't look at me. Even in all seriousness, I found this amusing. If the fire's color wasn't so intense, I could have sworn he was blushing.

Van started shivering again, bringing me back to the situation at hand. I hesitated at first, but then I slowly climbed on top of him. Van couldn't help making eye contact with me as I did this, but his eyes did not travel elsewhere. I was almost embarrassed by how much he was trying to respect my purity, even though it was something someone like me would have no reason in caring for.

When I was in a comfortable position, I rested atop of him, sharing whatever warmth I had left as he was with his. The longer we stayed like that, the warmer we became. It was then that I noticed that our heart crystals were warming up to each other. I was certain Van wasn't calling on his power, as I wasn't as well, so I didn't understand why they were reacting the way they were now. I decided to think about it later, for my understanding about heart crystals was very limited.

"I never thought I'd find someone from Zaibach out here," Van suddenly said.

"Me neither," I replied. I shifted my head to look at his face. "So who are you really, Van Schezar?"

Van gave me a sad grin. "I'm not really a Schezar. My parents were murdered, like yours. Dornkirk had taken my twin brother and I to Zaibach when we were only five. But, I was defective."

"Defective?" I repeated.

"I wasn't as responsive as the others to Dornkirk's treatment," he answered. "So he wanted to get rid of me as well. But my brother begged him not to. It's because of him that I'm still alive."

"How did you become a part of the Schezar family?" I asked.

"They found me wandering the streets and thought I was an orphan," he responded. "Allen was an only child at the time. He never used to be, though. He had an older brother that died from an incurable illness just two years before then. His parents tried to have another child for Allen, but they found out that they no longer could. So they chose to adopt me instead."

"I see..." I whispered. "It's a coincidence we chose to go to the same school, isn't it?"

"Well, _I_ chose it," Van explained. "Allen decided to follow. He wanted to go where I went. He acts like a jerk, but that's because he's used to being spoiled. After his brother passed away, his parents tried to overcompensate for that loss. But, he's a really good kid. I could honestly call him my brother, even if the blood that flows through our veins is different."

"Good kids don't pick on other kids," I argued with a pout.

Van let out a small laugh. "Allen is very... critical. Even with those that are close to him, he's very blunt and honest. But that's because he believes people are flawed because they choose to be and don't want to change themselves when they are still able to. He knows better than anyone how precious time is. So he tends to dislike people he doesn't understand. Like you, Hitomi."

I scrunched my face deep in thought. "That guy..."

"So take his words lightly," Van advised. "Because he doesn't always mean what he says. He just thinks that provoking people is the best way to get them to look at themselves."

"I must be extremely flawed then."

Van let out a bigger, more relaxed laugh this time. "Maybe."

I smiled. "You're not so bad after all."

"Hm?"

"So..." I changed the subject. "Why did you choose this school?"

"To discover Dornkirk's secret," he answered. "I want to know what he is and how he became the way he is now. I want to know why he kills parents and take away their children. I want to know what he's done to us. Why were we taught what we were taught? Why were we trained what we were trained? And what you said about yourself... are we still human after all? What is his secret? And what are these crystals that are lodged in our hearts? How much power do they really possess?"

"And you thought going to this school will help you find those answers?" I asked uncertainly.

"Science," Van said simply. "If I can at least solve the mystery behind the heart crystals, maybe it will help me find some answers to what is really going on in Zaibach." Then, he looked at me. "What about you, Hitomi? Why did you choose this school?"

"I'd like to discover Dornkirk's secret, too," I said thoughtfully. "But there isn't enough time for that. Too many innocent people are being killed, and too many children's lives are being ruined. I want to put an end to it once and for all and hopefully then, I'll find out what Dornkirk's true purpose is."

"So you plan to defeat him?" Van asked.

"I..." I paused, unsure of how to answer him. "I don't know. That is my plan, but I'm not strong enough. I've been training hard since I escaped Zaibach, but I have a medical set back."

"Oh, right..."

I looked at him. "Van, I told you, I'm not anorexic."

"But you're so thin," he said as he wrapped his strong arms around my tiny waist.

I blushed. "I'm... I'm not thin because of that. Aren't you sick, too?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you didn't stay there long enough for the side-effects to develop," I reasoned. "But most of us that stayed in Zaibach for years have developed a strange sickness. It begins with a headache that grows so severe that we can have seizures. If left untreated, we can fall into a coma that we may or may not wake from. And if that weren't enough, something worse is supposed to happen beyond that, but no one has ever been left untreated long enough to know what happens next."

"You wish to find a cure?" Van asked.

"Yes," I answered. "I'm affected by the sickness as well, so I can't just train without taking care of my self. I haven't been able to concoct an effective cure yet, but someday, I'll find it. It's not just for me, but for the children as well. I can't just save them from Dornkirk, I have to save them from what's inside of them, too."

"That's why I always see you in the lab..." Van realized. "And those pills..."

"Those are pills I created myself," I explained. "They're not the most effective batch, but they help me get by for the time being. It's harsh on my body at the same time though, I can't eat as much as I want to."

"So that's why you're so thin?" Van asked.

"If I eat too much, it'll just come right back up," I answered. "It's a sacrifice I have to make. It may not be logical, but I have no other choice. But I hope you understand me a little more now."

I felt Van's chest rise from underneath me as he took a deep breath. "I don't like it. But, until we find another way, I guess we really don't have any other choice."

_We?_ I thought. I never used that word before. It was always I, me, or myself. Having someone on my side was different, but comforting. Perhaps I didn't have to be alone anymore.

"But Merle is."

"Hm?"

"Merle," Van repeated. "She's... anorexic. Not because she has to, but because she chooses to be."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Van asked. "A person in her position must be conscious of her appearance. She was raised and taught to strive for perfection, using whatever means necessary to achieve it. Her biggest dream was to be a starlet, but her talent wasn't up to par with the other girls. She thought, if she couldn't excel with her talent, she could compete with her looks."

"All for the name of beauty and vanity," I added sadly.

"Sure enough, no one could compete with her in that department," Van continued. "But she was killing herself to do it. When I finally found out, she couldn't stop. She would only stop if I were with her, to protect her from herself."

"Aren't you two dating?"

Van hesitated. "No, we never did. She lived down the street in Allen's neighborhood. So the three of us grew up together. She's just a childhood friend to me. I've always thought of her as a sister, but she thought otherwise. She's much more delicate and fragile than she appears to be, so I couldn't leave her."

"You're willing to do that?" I asked. "To give up the freedom to love someone because you're afraid she may kill herself one day?"

"I never found someone to love," Van answered. "So it wasn't much of a sacrifice."

I felt my heart clench at those words. _Will I ever find someone to love? _I wondered. There was only one person I ever loved, and even that, I wasn't sure if it was the love Van spoke of.

"Do they know about Zaibach?" I changed the subject once more.

"The Schezars?" Van asked. "No, I never told anyone about it. I didn't think anyone would believe me even if I did. So I kept quiet, as I promised my brother that I would." He shifted his face to look at mine. "Promises aren't made to be broken, Hitomi."

I pondered this for a moment. "I've never had one to break."

Van smiled. "Then let's make one now."

"A promise?"

"Yes, a promise," Van nodded. "Let us promise..." Van paused to think. "Let us promise to stay together until the end."

"Hm?" I said with wide eyes. "Together?"

"Well, what I meant was," Van said carefully, realizing what he just said. "We're not alone anymore. We have a common goal, so we shouldn't try to do things on our own. We'll take this journey together."

"Oh, I see," I said, glad for his clarification. "If..."

"If what?"

I blushed. "In the end, if I was the girl you were looking for, would you come to me?"

"What?" Van blinked.

"Just kidding," I smiled. I wasn't even sure why I asked that. But I was curious. He was committed to someone he didn't even love, at least, not the way lovers should love each other. So what would he do if he were to find someone? Would he leave her? Or would he continue protecting her?

"Oh yeah," I remembered. "What is your real last name?"

"My last name?" Van repeated. "My real name is Fanel. Van Fanel."

I froze.

"What's wrong?" Van asked. "You're so tense all of the sudden."

"Fan... Fanel?" I repeated. "Did you say... Fanel?"

"Yes, that's my real last name," Van assured me. "Why, what's wrong, Hitomi?"

"You're..." I began. Suddenly, I couldn't speak again, just like I couldn't earlier that night when I found out Van was like me. "The twin brother you spoke of... is he... is he still in Zaibach?"

"Yes, I believe he is..." Van stated. "Hitomi, what is it?"

"Then it's true," I said, suddenly wishing I never asked him in the first place. "You're... Folken's brother."


	10. Rainbow

**Author's Note: **Once again, I have no idea where this is going. But I liked the direction I was heading in the last chapter. Hopefully, I'll find the right path for this one as well! Enjoy!

* * *

**X.**

**Rainbow**

Van still lied on the ground underneath me. But instead of being the one taken cared of, he became the one providing the comfort. He hadn't said anything since I'd spoken his twin brother's name, but I knew there was a mouthful of questions he wanted to ask. I envied how much patience Van possessed, for he was aware that it wasn't the appropriate time to break the silence, but he knew that there was plenty of time to ask when I was ready.

I didn't say much either, for I didn't have to hear Van's answer to know that he was indeed Folken's twin brother. I was in more disbelief that I hadn't noticed that fact than the actual fact itself. How did I not see it?

They certainly weren't identical, but they shared the same fierce eyes and strong build. They shared a distinctive deepness in their voices, though Van's lacked Folken's mature refinement. They shared a knack for being the best at what they did; Van was at the top of our class both academically and athletically, while Folken became the ultimate child and was therefore adopted by Dornkirk himself. And they were both wise; always seeing every strength and weakness in a person, and being able to show how one strength could not exist without a weakness to complement it. They were so alike, and yet so different at the same time. But without a doubt, they were twins, they were brothers. How was I supposed to feel about that?

As soon as I had said Folken's name, my eyes begun to well up with tears, tears that were only meant for him, tears that I had fought to control until the day that Folken could wipe them away himself. Instead, it was his brother that held me so gently in his arms and stroked my face so softly with his hands as to dry my tears. I was not used to being so close to another person and now I knew why: it was intoxicating.

The feeling of Van's warm breath against my skin gave me goose bumps. The other hand that ran up and down my back to comfort me. Rising and falling with his chest when he breathed. His smooth skin against mine. We fitted like a perfect mould; for I knew where every curve and crevice lied, and I was almost afraid to break away from him. I had wrapped my arms tightly around him, holding him close to me as though he were the most precious person to me. Being in this position was so heart wrenching for me, because I knew that Van was not the most precious person to me, and yet, I couldn't let go of him.

Could it be because he's Folken's twin brother?

"When my parents died, I learned what it really meant to be alone in this world," I began with a weak voice. "I had no other family. I had no friends. I had no one." I felt Van's hold tighten around me. "When I came to Zaibach, no one wanted to have anything to do with me. All the children there had already learned that it was every man for himself. Eventually, we all knew there would be an end for most of us, so the desire for attachment was more cruel than fulfilling." Van shifted his head until his cheek rested on my forehead. "I couldn't do anything right. Whether it be lessons or training, I was far behind everyone else. I always felt like everyone was ahead of me, and I was desperately sprinting to catch up." Van's hand curled over mine, our fingers intertwined.

"And then, I met _him_. He was... perfect, in every aspect. All the kids wanted to be like him, for there was nothing more for us to aspire to." Though I felt his muscles tense up, Van didn't move anymore. "He became the family, the friend that I didn't have. When we had the time to, he'd tutor me and train with me, until I was just as smart and strong as the next best kid in our class, because no one was able to compete with Folken." I slid our hands up from Van's waist and rested them on his chest below my chin. "I think that's why I admired him so much. He was untouchable. Though I had caught up with the level of the other kids, the distance between Folken and I kept growing further and further apart. I always wondered if I could ever catch up."

I unlocked and locked my fingers around Van's. My hand was so small next to his. "I always thought it was because I wasn't good enough. But then I realized it wasn't me. It was us. Our way of thinking was becoming so different that we weren't able to understand each other the way we were able to when we were younger." I squeezed Van's hand. "Though he couldn't understand me any longer, it was his understanding nature that he chose to side with Dornkirk and fight along side him. It was because of his own wisdom that I lost him. It was because of his ideas that there is no right and wrong, only reason, that he has left me."

I felt a fresh tear roll down my face. "And what makes me so angry, is that I can't blame Dornkirk for it! Folken chose to go, with his own free will. And his reasons, though they may seem illogical to us, I can't say they are wrong either." I felt Van's muscles relax as he freed his hand from mine to wipe my face. "When I couldn't sleep at night, Folken would keep me company. We'd spend hours talking about everything. There wasn't much to talk about, for our lives revolved around Zaibach, so he'd always share his ideas about Dornkirk with me. I may not agree with Folken's ideas, but the way he spoke about Dornkirk, I could almost see the humanity in him." I clenched my hand into a fist and beat Van's chest. "That man... that monster... how could there be any humanity left in him! After all he's done to the children! After everything he's taken away from me! Why!"

"Hitomi!" Van said as he grabbed my hand. Apparently, I was beating his chest without realizing it.

"I'm sorry, Van," I apologized softly, unclenching my fist.

"Folken..." Van began. "He must've been very important to you."

"He was," I said. "He... still is."

"I see."

And then, there was silence. All I could hear was Van's heart beating and the rain drops falling outside the cave's opening.

And then, I moved. I shifted my body up so my face could level with Van's. I engulfed his head in my arms and stared at him intensely.

"Hi...tomi," he breathed out with wide eyes.

"Would you think I'm crazy..." I started. "If I said... I envy you?" Van gave me a skeptical look. "Because no matter what I do, I could never be as close to Folken as you. No one can take that right from you. You and you alone shared a time and experience beyond what any of us could have with him."

"You mean..." Van paused. Then, he let out a small, kind laugh. "Maybe you are a little crazy."

I gave him a small smile. I leaned closer to him, resting my head next to his. "What is it like... to share a mother? To begin as one life... and turn into two? To spend the beginning of your life... with him beside you?"

"Hitomi," Van looked at me. "We're brothers. But you speak of our creation as though we were lovers."

"That's not what I meant..." my voice drifted into a whisper.

I pressed my body against his, as though we weren't close enough. My eyes were stinging again. Tears bit them as I tried to fight them back.

"I may be his twin, but I'm not him," Van told me. "You can lean on me as much as you want, but it won't feel the same as if you were with him."

"I know."

Van sighed. "So what are you doing, Hitomi?"

"...I know."

Van nodded in understanding. "Then, if it hurts so much to be without him, come to me. I'll hold you, just like this. And I'll protect you in his place."

I looked at him with a smile that looked too happy and too painful at the same time. "I'm sorry, Van."

"It's ok, Hitomi," Van said, running his hand down my long hair. "It's ok to be selfish sometimes. You're always thinking about everyone else's happiness; you should think about yours, too. What I can give you may be artificial, but I'll do what I can if it can help you find your happiness."

"Van..." I almost couldn't speak with all the emotions rushing through me at once. "Thank you, Van."

The storm was beginning to leave us. The rain drops fell at greater intervals, and the cave was becoming more and more quieter as the silence between us lingered in the air. Slowly, but surely, I felt something inside me changing. Who had I been a day ago? Who had I become now? Did this day, this night, affect me so? Either way, my mission still did not change. But what did change, was that I could allow myself to indulge in selfishness from time to time.

"About earlier..." Van suddenly spoke up. "You asked me that, if you were the girl I was looking for, would I come to you..."

I blushed and looked away, embarrassed that I had even asked such a question. "But, I said I was just kidding-

"If," Van cut me off. "In the end, if Folken was no longer the man you loved, would you come to me?"

I blinked, first in confusion, then in amusement. "Touché, Van Fanel."

He shrugged. "I learn from the best."

I always thought Folken had been my one and only friend. Who would've thought that his twin brother would become another? Just yesterday, I had loathed him for an unjustifiable reason. And now, I couldn't even imagine him being away from my side.

I guess it was true, that you can't get the rainbow without the rain.


	11. Reverse Psychology

**Author's note: **I know y'all got a basket full of tomatoes you wanna throw at me for taking so long to update, but ever since I went back to school, I could never find the time nor inspiration to continue. Forgive meee, nya. On another note, I finally recorded another song! It's called _Outside (Looking In). _Please listen to it on my MySpace, I have the link posted in my FanFiction profile. Thaaanks guys, I appreciate the support! Enjoy!

**

* * *

**

**XI. **

**Reverse Psychology**

Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. Like a lioness, I eyed my prey, my feet padding softly on the ground. If I was to succeed in my mission, I must stay quiet. Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. I was almost there. So close that I could almost reach out and grasp victory, but so far that I couldn't lose my focus. Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. _Splash!_

"Ah!" Van's voice vibrated through the stone walls of the cave.

I laughed. Hard. I wasn't sure why I found it so amusing.

Van's long hair stuck to his face that was drenched in cold, salty oceanwater. I had picked thick green leaves from tropical trees and was able to weave it into somewhat of a bowl large enough to contain some water from the shore. I wasn't planning on waking him up in this manner, but I couldn't resist.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" Van asked as he wiped the beads of water dripping down his eyes. "I'll show you something funny!"

Van shoved himself off the ground and charged towards me at full speed. He was fast, but I was faster. Being as light on my toes as I was, I easily evaded his rampage, twisting his arm around his back and shoving him down into the ground.

"That wasn't funny," I mocked him. "That was just sad!"

In the midst of my laughter, Van was able to disengage my hold and trip me over. Rolling on top of me, he locked my arms above my head.

"Well, I was just gettin' started," Van teased.

And suddenly, we both ran out of things to say to each other. All we could exchange in the few inches between our faces were heavy breaths that lingered from our excitement.

Even though I had spent the previous night lying skin-to-skin in Van's arms, I somehow wasn't able to get out of my paralyzed state. It had only been a few seconds, but I had already been able to calculate every possible move I could make to counter Van's advantage. So why couldn't I move at all?

I found myself getting lost in those beautiful eyes again. They wore a light hazel shade with so much depth that I could feel myself falling deeper into them as more time went by. It was then that I suddenly had a memory flicker in my mind. When we had gotten off the bus, Van's eyes had turned into a deep shade of crimson. They were even more beautiful, but frightening at the same time. Now that I knew that Van was the same as me, I was certain that his altered genetic makeup was the underlying cause of it. But what had brought on that reaction?

"Maybe..." I started, glad that I was able to bring myself back to reality.

"Hm?" Van breathed. His voice was so smooth and masculine that sounded so intimate, it sent shivers down my spine. Damn that sexual human instinct.

"...you should put some clothes on," I finished with a sly grin.

I had long awoken and put back on my clothes, but Van on the otherhand had not. A hint of red tinted the apples of his cheeks, as a sheepish grin creased shy dimples near his lips. He quickly got up and turned around as to hide his, ahem, manly parts, which only fueled the fire of my amusement. I was used to seeing a mature Van, a serious Van, a cool Van. But this silly, playful Van was too much... damn that sexual human instinct.

I chuckled as I walked passed him, brushing him shoulder-to-shoulder. "You don't have to be polite, I've seen it all already."

I only wished I had turned around at that moment to see the look on his face, but I didn't want him to see the look on mine. Bending down, I gathered Van's now dried clothes from the ground by the fire into my arms. They felt hard and crispy, probably from soaking in salt water, with some dirt caked on it. Shaking it off, I turned around, only to come face-to-face with he who wore nothing.

"Then you must be _too_ polite," Van replied. "Cause I didn't get to see yours again."

I tilted my head as my lips curved into a fake, defiant smile. Shoving his clothes into his arms, I told him in a low, threatening voice, "That I must be. But I definitely, absolutely, positively won't be... _polite_... in training."

"Training?" Van asked.

"That's right, training!" I said with an encouraging tap on his arm. "Surely a man like you can keep up with me?" Before he could say anything further, I was on my way out of the cave. "Don't take your time. I don't like to wait." And with that, I left Van to get dressed.

* * *

I quickly stretched and did some warm-up exercises when Van finally emerged from the cave.

I frowned. "I told you, I don't like to wait."

"And I wish I told you I don't like to be woken up by a bucket of ice cold water," Van retorted. "But you probably would've done it anyway, wouldn't you?"

"Absolutely," I replied with a smirk.

The stormy weather had long passed over, and all that my eyes could see in the distance was an infinite stretch of clear blue skies and wavy waters. The sun hadn't rose too high yet, so now was the perfect time to train. I was apprehensive. I was trained to be ready for the unexpected, to react in less than a moment's notice, to live on improvisation and sponteneity. But as of late, I'd become a person of routine. It was a safety precaution, to protect myself by staying close to the familiar. And training was one of those things. I hadn't changed my course of training much in the past few years, not because I was incapable, but because I didn't want to run into anyone that could recognize me from Zaibach.

Being in a place that I could literally call my own, to let go and train myself without holding back, and even to do so beside someone who was the same as me, it felt incredibly liberating and refreshing. I'd never had this before. What should I do with this newfound freedom?

"So, this...training..." Van began. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

"To be honest, I don't want to train you. You'd just get in my way. And even worse, slow me down. But I guess I don't really have a choice now, do I?" I began to walk forward towards the water.

"What do you mean?" Van asked.

I thought carefully about what I needed to say.

"I don't think you understand... but then again, how could you?" I asked him. I wasn't sure if I was directing that question to Van or to myself. But I needed to tell him. "I still don't know for sure what Dornkirk is or what his purpose is, but what I do know is what he's done. He's murdered so many innocent people... took away their children... and treated them like lab rats in an experiment. You were there, so you should know this much." I bent down and caressed the surface of the water with the palm of my hand. "But you weren't there as long as the rest of us. There are things you don't know, and my biggest concern is just that. You may not realize it, but the position you are in is of great importance."

Van's face was fixed deep in thought. Slowly, he took a step towards me, then another. "Then tell me. Tell me what I need to know."

I pulled back my hand and stood up without looking at him. "If the children were disposable, Dornkirk would have them killed, no matter what. His mission was too great, he couldn't possibly let any of them return to the real world without risking exposure to the project. And because of this fear... no one has ever, _ever_ left Zaibach alive. No one... except you."

"And you," he pointed out.

I pierced my lips. "That's different, Van. I _escaped_. I wasn't set free like you were." I took a step closer to him. "What I want to know is, _why_? Why did Dornkirk let you go, just like that? Folken might've responded well to the treatment at the time, but it was still too early for Dornkirk to be fully aware of Folken's potential. There were many children that start off that way, but they eventually reach their limit before their adolescent years. So even if Folken was already Dornkirk's favorite, he wouldn't be so fond of him to actually fulfill any of his wishes. You're not the first set of siblings he's separated, and you're certainly not the first set of twins either, so what was so different about the two of you?

"Does it matter?" Van asked.

"Of course it does!" I retorted. "How could you even ask that? What part of any of this does it not matter?"

"Maybe he had a moment of weakness! I don't know!" Van shrugged frustratedly. "I'm not saying it's not important, but what we should focus on is Dornkirk and Zaibach in general, not just one favor he did for a kid years ago."

"Van..."

At this point, I was so irritated that I almost couldn't speak.

"_Everything_ is important," I told him. "You, Folken, everyone... we're all just pieces of the puzzle. You're the one that's hell bent on finding those missing pieces, right? Well, this is one of them! You can't just leave that empty space blank and put back together the pieces around it expecting that you'll see what the picture is! It could be the most crucial piece of them all, but you won't know that unless you find it!"

"But I don't want to find it!" Van screamed. I stopped. His eyes started to glow red; not as fiercely as the time we were on the bus, but they were definitely amber. "You think I don't know that? That, if I want to discover the truth, I have to be ready to accept all of it? I do! But that doesn't mean that I want to!"

"Then, why are you trying to find answers to questions you aren't even willing to ask?"

Van looked down towards the ground. It was uncanning how much he resembled Folken at that moment. Whenever he felt completely and utterly defeated, he would hang his head just like that, to hide the shame on his face for being a failure. That was Folken, even if it was for the enemy, he never wanted to disappoint anyone. Never.

"You're hurt, Hitomi," Van said.

I frowned in confusion. "What does this have to do with-

"You've been hurt and you're hurting now," Van interrupted. "You hurt more than anyone I know! You know how I know? Not just because of what you told me last night. But because I can feel it. I can sense it. Maybe it's because I was a lab rat in an experiment that I'm able to, but the more I'm around you, the stronger that pain feels. So for someone that carries that heavy a burden on her shoulders, why can't you feel mine?"

I was confused. So confused. But I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Surely he couldn't tune into my emotions like that. We weren't made to sense each other's feelings, at least, I'd never heard of it occuring in Zaibach. I cleared my mind and concentrated hard. And then, it happened. I wasn't sure if it was my heart crystals that glowed hot or something else, because suddenly, I felt a pain in my chest. It wasn't a physical pain like being stabbed in the chest. It was... pain.

"Van?" I tried to call out.

"You feel it now, don't you?" he said quietly. "I don't know how it happened, but ever since you saved me last night, I've been able to... feel you. I can't explain it myself, but somehow, we're connected. Has this ever happened in Zaibach?"

"No, never... I... don't get it..." I sunk down onto my knees. _What is this? _I wondered. But my thoughts were pushed aside by a feeling of pain, but _this_ pain, I was unfamiliar with. Some of it, I could identify with: grief, fear, loneliness, confusion... but there was a feeling I never felt.

"Van, what is this feeling?" I asked with wide eyes.

"It's the pain of being unwanted," Van said, his eyes now a pure shade of amber.

_Unwanted?_ When I thought about it, I realized, I never really felt that. When I was with my parents, they loved me. When I was in Zaibach, Dornkirk wanted to keep me. And when I escaped, I did so without the desire to be accepted because my focus was on my mission: destroy Zaibach, take down Dornkirk, and save the children. But this desire to be wanted... was that what Van felt?

"Why do you feel this way," I asked. "You're probably the least unwanted person I know."

"That is a lie," Van answered dejectedly. "I lost my parents. Even though it was Dornkirk's doing, he was still the only father figure I had. That may be why Folken has come to admire him so much. We adapt to what we have, even if it's not good for us." Van shook his head. "I may not have admired Dornkirk the way that Folken did, but for him to throw me away like that... all because I was _defective_..." Then, he put his hands on my shoulders. "But Hitomi, don't misunderstand me, I'm more than thankful to be out of there and alive... but I can't help feeling this way."

I didn't say anything and let him continue.

"When the Schezars adopted me," Van continued, "I thought I'd finally be wanted, that I'd finally have a place I belong. But I didn't. My adopted parents want their dead son. Allen wants his dead brother. To them, I'm just a replacement. Even with Merle, I'm not what she wants. What she wants is attention, someone to stop her from destroying herself, someone to take care of her. She wants a hero that loves her. But she doesn't even love herself, how could she know what love is? No one really wants me... not for _me_!"

I punched him. Hard. I was used to punching, not that sissy slapping thing.

"Are you done?" I spat. Van rubbed his face in shock. I let out a sarcastic laugh and shook my head. "To be wanted or unwanted... what does it matter? You're breathing, aren't you? Your heart is beating, isn't it? You are _alive_, so you damn well start appreciating that, because the rest of your comrades that were so-called 'defective' weren't so lucky." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Stop wasting time wallowing in self-pity and start living! Unlike some people, you have a reason to live, and that's to find out what's going on in Zaibach." And then, it hit me. "Is that why you don't want to investigate yourself and your brother? Because you're afraid you'll be reminded of how 'unwanted' you are?"

"I didn't expect you to understand."

"Of course I don't!" I threw back at him. "Because to feel the desire to be wanted, you have to want someone first. To be unwanted is to be rejected by something that won't accept you, but you have to wish to be accepted, Van! Who do _you_ want? Could it be that you want to be the Schezars' late son, but couldn't fulfill that role, so instead _you_ push _them _away? Did you ever think that maybe _they_ felt unwanted by _you_? Or even Merle, who wants you for selfish reasons and not for _you_, even if that superficial wanting isn't what you want, you hang onto it because that's the closest thing you'd have to the real thing, isn't it?"

Van didn't respond.

"Come on, Van!" I threw my hands up. "They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well you know what, your life can be explained in a thousand ways. People keep complaining and whining about the people in their lives, but they forget to look at themselves. Stop looking around you and just gaze into your own heart. What's going on there, Van? You need to stop blaming other people for feeling the way you do when you are also the cause of it!"

"What about you?" Van argued. "You don't understand this feeling, or how much it hurts, because you've never felt it! How could you feel it if you've built a wall around your heart so high that no on can climb it? You shut people out, not because you're too focused on your mission, but because you're afraid you'll lose that feeling!"

"You're lecturing me now?" I asked ironically.

"We've all lost something, Hitomi," Van said sadly. "But there's no need to be afraid of _wanting_ something you can lose. There's no need to be afraid of _having_ something you can lose. And whether you keep it or lose it, it's better to have met and known that feeling than to live your life this way. What will you do if you succeed? When Zaibach is burned into ashes and Dornkirk sleeps in his grave, what will you do? Will you keep living this way? Tell me, Hitomi!"

I bit my lip. His eyes kept glowing redder, while mine drowned in tears waiting to be shed. I was accustomed to deciphering other peoples' lives, not my own, not this way. I was trying to make him look at himself, but instead, he made me look at my own self. Was this reverse psychology? If so, the tables would keep turning unless I put an end to this.

"You're right, Van," I quivered. "In this life, I've stood alone, and I'll continue standing alone. But this is the way I chose to live! I'm not like you! I was never taught any different, to live for the sake of living. I live with purpose, with reason. To do what's necessary!"

"What's more necessary than being happy?" Van asked. Though his eyes glowed red, I realized then that it wasn't just because he felt anger and pain. If I focused my heart, I could feel his, and it was crying. Why was he trying so hard to change me? To save me? I wasn't someone that needed to be saved.

I was just a person of misfortune to have this responsibility locked and chained to my body.

* * *

**Author's Note... Again...: **I'm not sure if I like this chapter. I mean, it has some good material, but I don't know... Let me know what you all think. I feel this is a very introspective chapter for both Hitomi and Van. They're really learning more about each other and I feel that they're beginning to understand each other a bit more even though they don't always agree.

Oh yeah, to explain the "connection"... recall in a previous chapter that there was a storm and Van was drowning in the ocean when Hitomi dove in to save him. She needed to find him as quickly as possible, so she called upon her heart crystals, which are the main source of her powers (which I will go into in later chapters, hehe). Because they both have heart crystals and interacted with each other while the crystals were active, they're now "connected" (which I will also explain in later chapters, hehe). I didn't elaborate too much on this idea yet, but this is actually a _very_ important detail. Why is it important? You'll just have to read on to find out! See you guys next chapterrr!!!


	12. Embrace of Happiness

**Author's Note: **Woah, two updates in two days? I _must_ be in a _good _mood! Haha! Well, the previous chapter, I actually had 90 percent of it completed for the past few months, but never got around to wrapping it up... I'm listening to Ayumi Hamasaki's latest single to be released digitally next week called _Together When..._ It's a beautiful ballad, and as you've witnessed in previous chapters, when I find the right music to listen to at the right time, I'll just write, write, WRITE! Hope I'm not boring you all too much with dialogue... please let me know, your reviews are very important to me! Thank you so much! Enjoy!

* * *

**XII.**

**Embrace of Happiness**

I took a deep breath. _Calm down, Hitomi, _I told myself. I had taken a long walk to clear my head, but I still couldn't stop being bombarded with emotions. I didn't even know which were my own feelings anymore, for now that I'd discovered the bond I now shared with Van, I could feel what was going on in his heart as well. What exactly was this?

When I looked up, I realized that I had walked the entire shoreline of the island and ended up right back where I started, for in the near distance, I spotted Van's deep red shirt standing out in the white sand. He was sitting under a coconut tree, whose wide leaves provided him shade under the hot sun. He was staring towards the ocean, watching the waves roll on the shore, with a light breeze delicately running through his thick hair. At that moment, I felt a sense of tranquility, but I wasn't sure who this feeling belonged to. Did watching Van made me feel this way? I lightly laughed it off. _Not a chance, _I told myself.

I hadn't gone on a walk for a long time. For once, I felt that I had all the time in the world and the freedom to be as I pleased. But now, seeing Van before me sent reality crashing back down on me. I must never forget. Taking another deep breath to calm my nerves, I wondered why I suddenly felt so nervous, but shrugged it off as I approached Van from behind.

"How's the island?" Van asked without looking at me.

"Beautiful," I replied skeptically. "You heard me coming?"

"Not at all," he answered. "You're good at sneaking up on people. But not me." Then, he turned. He gazed at me for a moment, then gestured that I sit beside him. Once I settled in, he continued, "It's not just your emotions, I can sense your presence, too."

"I see," I whispered. "I wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me."

"You just need to pay more attention," he said half jokingly. Though it was small, it was the first time he cracked a smile since earlier this morning in the cave, when the tension between us hadn't existed. Now that ice had frozen again, and it was my turn to break it.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. I paused for a moment. Somehow, these words hold a heavy weight, and I wanted to give it enough space to sit in. Van turned his face to look at me. He never said a word, but waited patiently. It was his patience that I found incredibly alluring. Someone who was willing to wait was someone willing to understand.

"You were right. About me... about everything," I finally continued. "I really don't pay enough attention, and that's my flaw. It's just that... I don't know _how_ to live anymore. My whole life, I've been taught to fulfill my duties. And though I've left Zaibach, that character is still a part of me. This is who I am, this is what I've become. And I've been so focused on my mission that I haven't focused on myself... or even others around me." I looked down, lacing and unlacing my hands. "What you felt... that feeling of being unwanted... I may not have felt it before, but it was because I never allowed myself to. Why should I hope for something that could disappoint me? That could hurt me? I don't like to put myself in that kind of position... but I'm willing to now." I nodded, encouraging myself to accept this new thought. "Because once I've completed my mission... what will I have left?"

The question lingered in the air before I turned my face to look at his, which was inches away from mine. His eyes were hazel again, and I found myself missing that shade of amber. We sat shoulder-to-shoulder, leaning back against the tree, just the two of us. For once, I ignored everything and just focused on what was right in front of me. Slowly, but surely, I felt my heart open its doors, allowing Van's presence to flow through them, and I knew he was doing the same. For once, I wasn't afraid of letting my guard down, because I knew that once I gave Van this priviledge, there was no turning back.

Van smiled. It was mixed with both happiness and sadness, but in our lives, the two must go hand-in-hand. I realized now that for us, we could not have just one or the other to survive. We must have both to live on. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then, he tipped his head onto my lap and laid on me.

I grinned. He could be like a silly little boy sometimes... but I found myself adoring him because of it. Though I was hesitant at first, I ran my fingers through his hair, and soon felt a soothing warmth flow into my heart. _Is this happiness, Van? _I asked him in my mind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the tree.

We sat just like that for about an hour. Sure, we were wasting precious time that could be well spent on training, but I didn't mind. Right now, I just wanted to create a memory beyond my mission. Only that would I know for certain that at one time, I existed.

"Hitomi," Van whispered.

"Hm?" was the only sound I could make in my relaxed state.

"It's ok," he assured me. "You can tell me."

I opened my eyes and looked at him quizzically. I kept forgetting he could feel my every emotion now, and though I was relaxed, I was also tense about another issue I still needed to discuss. "I guess I'm an open book now."

Van shrugged playfully. "You'll get used to it."

Unsure of where to begin, I just spoke. "You've heard my story. And I have yours. My mission hasn't changed. The question is, has yours?" Van didn't answer right away, so I continued. "For now, I'll continue finding a cure for my condition, and train until I am strong enough to take down Zaibach. I have to save the children, and stop this from happening to any more innocent people, I must. But to do so..." I paused and looked down at the young man who laid on my lap. He looked like he was asleep, but I knew he was hanging onto every word I spoke. "I've accepted my duties, even if that means I have to fight against the most important person to me."

Finally, Van opened his eyes. "Folken."

"He's chosen to fight by Dornkirk's side," I explained. "So to get to him-

"You have to defeat my brother first," Van finished. He closed his eyes again and buried his face into my lap.

"Van..." Seeing him like that broke my heart. "I've tried. For years, I've tried to turn him back. But I couldn't save him. I couldn't." I blinked hard, fighting back the tears that bit my eyes. "If there was any other way-

"There isn't," Van cut me off. He rolled onto his back, facing the sky. "But there are things happening that are greater than us. I can't let any more families suffer any loss and pain just because I was too selfish to take down my own brother."

"You mean..."

Van pushed himself up, resting one hand on the tree on my left and the other hand on the ground on my right. He was right in front of me, but I didn't feel uncomfortable with him being so close. "You said you were taught to do what's necessary... and this is something that's necessary. It's not what I want, but it's something I have to do. I know how difficult this decision must've been for you, so you don't have to carry this burden alone. You're not alone anymore, Hitomi."

Instead of fighting the tears, I let them flow. It was so out of character for me, for I never cried so much in my life until I met Van. Even with Folken, I never cried as much as I have in the past few days. Was it because Van was able to make me open up? Folken was someone that never wanted to disappoint anyone, and maybe that was the reason why I was so strong around him. But with Van, I was not afraid to be weak. Perhaps, I was still human after all.

Finding some relief, I blinked away the tears and exhaled heavily. "So you're going to fight now?"

"If I have to," Van answered honestly. "My main focus still remains on the mystery surrounding Zaibach. If we can figure it out, we might figure out another way to defeat Dornkirk. But if we can't... then, I guess you're just gonna have to teach me how to kick some Zaibach ass!"

I laughed. "You have a ways to go, young grasshopper."

Van nodded his head, as though to bow to his new teacher. _Cute_, I thought with a grin.

"Whether or not you're willing to fight," I started. "I have to train you regardless." I placed my palm on Van's chest over his shirt, tracing the heart crystals with my fingertips. "You're the only child to have left from Zaibach. And now, you've become allies with the only child to have escaped. If Zaibach finds either of us, you have to be able to defend yourself."

"That's why you wanted to train this morning..." Van murmured to himself.

"And now that I know you're Folken's twin brother..." I added. "Earlier today, that was what I wanted to tell you, but we got into an argument before I could say it." I stopped tracing his heart crystals. "I don't think you realize, but you really are in an important position. Now that Folken's potential has been revealed, there's no telling what Dornkirk may have in store for you. You may have been... _defective_... as a child, but he may need you for another purpose. So you have to be careful."

Van nodded in understanding. "I will, but I don't have to worry, because I have my own heavy duty bodyguard to protect me."

The fact that he said that so seriously and with a straight face almost sent me overboard. He had a knack for inserting a comedic punchline at the most intense moments. This boy really was something else, but he made me laugh, a feat no one had been able to accomplish.

I sighed, leaning my head back onto the tree.

"You know, after all this is over, I think I'll start opening my eyes and find something I want."

"Why not start now?" Van asked in a sudden boost of enthusiasm. "Everyone has something they have to do, but that never stops them from dreaming. There _has_ to be something you want!"

"I don't know... what do you want, Van?" I asked.

"A lot of things," he said simply. "Besides everything with Zaibach... I want to spend time with the Schezars and really become a family, not a figment of the past."

"You don't live together?" I asked.

"No, they don't live in Asturia," Van replied. "Allen and I moved there for school." Van linked his hands together behind his head and laid back down on my lap. "I... want to break it off with Merle."

My brows furrowed, knowing very well why he felt that way. "Are you sure?"

"I've indulged her selfishness long enough," Van explained. "It's time that she learns how to walk on her own two feet without holding my hand. And, I don't want her to misunderstand my intentions. I look at her as my sister first and foremost. But I can't keep letting her think we'll ever be anything more."

I looked upward, soaking in the sun and the eternity of the sky.

"I don't have any relationships to fix," I realized. "You're the only friend I've had since I left Zaibach."

"Oh?" Van said as a matter of factly. "So I've officially been upgraded to 'friend' status now, huh?"

I smiled. Van was so silly. "You know what I mean."

"No, I don't know what you mean," Van kept proding on in fake innocence.

I sighed. He really was silly. Then, I got an idea. A rather silly one, actually. "You!"

Van waited. "Me, what?"

"You asked me what I want, so there's my answer."

"You want... me?" Van concluded. "Hitomi, you're so straightfoward! I mean, I'm available, and I'm certainly willing, so please, don't be shy!"

I probably imagined myself throwing up in about a dozen different ways after he said that. "You're such a pervert. What _I _meant was, I don't just want you in my life because of Zaibach. After this is all over, I still want you around... even though you're annoyingly childish and disgustingly irritating when we don't agree."

I waited for it. I knew he would come back with a ridiculous comment to annoy me more, but surprisingly, he didn't say anything. I turned my head to steal a peak at him, only to find him already staring at me. My green eyes to his hazel ones.

But he smiled.

And I smiled back.

And then... he never said anything after that. Strange, wasn't it? Yet, I couldn't imagine anything that he could have said that could even begin to describe what he was feeling at that moment. We were mysteriously connected now, and though he didn't say it, I knew what he was feeling. My heart felt a gentle warmth wash over me, his happiness embraced me though he himself did not. It was nice to finally have something I want, but I think for him, he finally had someone that wanted him for him, and not because of anything else.

* * *

**Author's Note... Again: **Ahhh, that was much better than the last chapter, in my opinion. The last one just didn't satisfy me for some reason... probably because I didn't write it from beginning to end as I did this one. This flowed better. Anyway, I do notice that I've been focusing on dialogue lately, so I do apologize if there doesn't seem to be much movement in the action of the story itself. But do keep in mind that they are technically stranded on an island. No one knows if they survived the storm, and if they did, where their present location was. So this is kind of like... a time out of their lives to rediscover themselves and reevaluate what's necessary in their lives. Peachy! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. See you again soon! 


	13. Our Memory

**Author's Note:** I'm baaack! I was in Cambodia for 5 weeks and let me tell you, it was AMAZING! On another note... I finished recording my first album! You guys can download and review my song "So What" (the URL is listed in my FanFic profile). Thanks for the support! 

I don't know about you guys, but I tend to skip over super long italicized parts because it's usually just a flashback or whatever... but this is a _very _important memory, so please don't skip it :) Just a warning, it _may _sound a bit cheesy... Almost like a child's tale. But you'll see the rest of it unfold in the future chapters.

Now onto what you're all here for... the story! Enjoy!

* * *

**XIII.**

**Our Memory**

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The noise around me was muted as I focused on my breathing. The sun was starting to set in the distant horizon, pulling the blanket of warmth along with it as a cool breeze wrapped around my body. I wiped away the beads of sweat that dripped down my forehead. We had begun training, though I had to cut back so that Van could keep up. It wasn't that he was out of shape; he just wasn't used to being trained beyond the limitations of the average human.

We were running now, something I found more exhausting than usual because of the sand. Well, actually… _I _was the only one running now. I stopped and peered over my shoulder to see a fatigued Van bent over with his hands on his knees and his chest heaving deeply as he desperately gasped for air.

I trotted back towards him with a smirk on my face. "Weak sauce."

"Wh-what?" Van stuttered between breaths.

"Aren't you an athlete?" I asked unbelievably. "This should be _nothing_ for you!"

"Yes... I'm an... athlete," Van replied breathlessly. "But _this_!... This isn't human!"

Inside, I flinched at his comment, but shrugged it off. "Neither will the pain be if you fall into Zaibach's hands for being so frail."

"Fr-frail?" Van exclaimed. "Shakespeare once wrote, .Frailty, thy name is woman.' If one of us has to be frail, it should be you!"

I never believed in the saying "knock on wood," because either things happened to people or they didn't. But at that moment, I wished I had a forest of trees to knock on, because my knees suddenly gave out, making my legs collapse onto the ground.

"That's... more like it!" Van joked, still out of breath. "Just the encouragement I need to go on!" With a small laugh, he began to jog again, stopping only when he reached a few steps ahead of me. "Come on, Hitomi! Who's following who now?"

I pushed myself off the ground, suddenly regaining the strength in my legs, but unable to ignore the wave of weakness pulsating through my body. It wasn't because I was training too hard. No, this feeling was different. Deep down, I felt a bottomless pit of dread, for I knew something bad was coming down on me. Whatever it was, I couldn't allow it to take over me, not now, not when this was a critical time to teach and train Van everything he needed to protect himself. Whatever this was, it would have to wait until I was ready to be defeated.

* * *

Soon after, Van had reached his limit with running, so we moved on to martial arts. He had had some experience with fighting, for the Schezars had signed up both he and Allen for martial arts class, among other athletic ventures that only the privileged could over schedule their children with. He wasn't a bad fighter really, but he _was _fighting with a genetically enhanced and trained human being. However, the advantage did not belong to me.

"See... it's like I... said!" Van said between jabs and kicks, victoriously. "I just needed... some time... to show you my true skills!"

He punched. I blocked, just barely. He kicked. I blocked, just barely. He punched again. And I... couldn't block.

Though I had become weaker through the course of our sparring, he hadn't once been able to land a clean hit until now. He had punched me, hard, in my abdomen. I saw it coming, yet my body didn't react to it. Or rather, it couldn't react. What was wrong with me? I flinched, but stood my ground.

"Hitomi!" Van shouted apologetically. "I'm sorry, are you all right?"

"Continue," I ordered.

Van hesitated, but said no more, knowing I was too stubborn to argue with. Smart boy. We fought some more, until finally, I could not take it.

"Enough," I told him. "That's enough for today. You should get some rest, we'll continue this tomorrow."

Van eyed me, but more curiously than suspiciously. "Really?" He sounded relieved, yet disbelieved at the same time. Perhaps I was working him too hard on the first day, but as long as we were stranded here on this island, I had to prepare him for what he might one day face.

"Yeah," I said with a small smile. "This is only the beginning... but you're doing well."

Van beamed. "I have a hot sensei to impress."

I nearly gagged. "The only thing hot about your sensei is the fact that she just spent nearly half a day under the scorching sun. Any longer and my skin will start melting off!"

I walked over to the shore, crouching down to fill my palms from the rolling waves of ocean water. Splashing it across my face, I closed my eyes and lifted my chin, feeling a mixture of warmth from the rays of the setting sun and coolness from the drops of ocean water down my skin. Taking a deep breath, I noticed I was unusually tired, for the pain running through my body remained intense and the weakness still lingered in my limbs. Slowly, I exhaled and opened my eyes.

"What?" I asked, finding Van kneeling beside me with eyes that wandered around every curve and crevice on my face.

"Oh..." Van said caught off guard. "It's nothing..." He scooped a palm full of ocean water and splashed it on his face. "I didn't realize how beautiful you looked."

Van must really be trying to make me choke on my vomit or something.

"Do you like to hide yourself from others?" Van asked and sank into the sand, leaning back on both arms.

It was then that I realized what he was talking about. My fingers traced my face. I hadn't noticed that my glasses had fallen off. They were probably drifting somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. They weren't prescription anyway, so other than wearing them to disguise myself I had no other use for them.

"I have to," I answered.

"From who?" Van asked.

"You already know the answer to that question," I dodged his inquiry while running my fingers through the rolling wave.

"I'm not talking about Zaibach," Van countered. "Why are you hiding from _us_? Besides me, there's no one that knows who you really are. You don't have to be afraid of being yourself around us."

"Who said I was afraid?" I asked offended. Somehow, I had a feeling I was in for another journey to self-discovery. Van seemed to have a knack for pushing me onto that path. "So what if I choose not to spend a ridiculous amount of time and money into looking beautiful? Maybe that's just who I am. I don't need to be more than this."

"You always wear your hair up, even though it's as long as your waist," Van explained, propping himself up to touch a lock of my blond hair. It cascaded in gentle waves down my back; the elastic band that held it up in a messy bun was also nowhere to be found. It seemed I had lost everything in the storm, aside from my clothes. "You wear glasses that you don't even need. You wear clothes that don't look flattering on you..." I felt Van tug the bottom of my shirt. It was just as baggy as the pants I was wearing, and that wasn't even because of how thin I was. "Maybe you think I'm vain because of the people I surround myself with. But vanity is just a part of their lives. If you gave them a chance, like you did with me, you'd see that they are more than what you see."

"I didn't give you a chance," I stated with a hint of sarcasm. "It was more of an unfortunate sequence of events that forced me into giving you that chance."

"So you're saying being stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere is what it'll take for you to talk to us?" Van asked with his own hint of sarcasm.

"You're making it sound like _I'm _the one avoiding _them_," I defended myself. "In case you've forgotten, there _is_ such a thing as different levels of social status. You should know where you stand. Can you guess where I belong on that spectrum?"

Van pondered for a moment. "Ok, so Allen picks on you. And Merle isn't so friendly either. But after the past few days we've been together, I'm hoping you can see why they act the way they do."

I sighed, lying down beside Van. "So I'm supposed to be on the receiving end of their stares and insults because I can _understand_ them?" I shook my head. "Well, regardless of how accepting they are of me, being at the top of the social food chain isn't my priority. I didn't exactly have a groomed and proper childhood like them, nor does my future have anything to do with what they dream about. We live in parallel worlds; we may coexist, but we can never cross each others' paths."

"You'd rather be alone?"

"Why are you so hell bent on initiating me into your little group of buddies?" I asked annoyed.

"Because things are different now!" Van exclaimed. "You and I are connected on a level that is deeper than anything I can ever share with them. But for me, they are as much a part of my world as you are. And I'm sure it's become the same for you."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You saved Allen's life," Van said. "And you saved mine. Surely you don't think they won't acknowledge you for what you've done for us? Hitomi, I understand that you'd rather be invisible than live in the spotlight. But you live in a world filled with people. People who love each other and people who hate each other. You can't avoid us forever. And once we return, it will become even more difficult for you to hide."

I thought for a moment. "Has it ever occurred to you that the reason why I've kept my distance all this time was because I wanted to protect you all?"

Van looked up at me, but before he could say anything, I continued.

"I'm not asking you to leave your friends because of me. But I'm also not asking to become one of them. We can go on the way we always have. Just don't bring me into your world. It's not where I belong."

I stood up, feeling the sand tickle down my skin. Turning, I began to walk back to the cave.

"Hitomi..." Van called hopelessly.

And then, I fainted.

"Hitomi!" was all I heard before everything went black. Darkness... that was the world I belonged in.

* * *

"Hitomi..."

That voice was soft and tender. I remembered it from somewhere... but where?

"Hitomi..."

Yes... I remembered now. It was raining that day. Folken and I were rock-climbing because Dornkirk was going to test us the next day. I was training with him when I had slipped and fallen, hitting my head hard on the rocks below. I would've died if Folken hadn't healed me then. Back then, even for Folken, it was forbidden to use our power beyond the field of training because we weren't capable enough of controlling it, and this training session hadn't been authorized by Dornkirk himself. Folken was always the one to follow orders, but that was the first time he had ever put me above that obedience. Granted, I _was_ in critical condition, but for once I wanted to come first.

I had woken up later that night to find that Folken had sought shelter under a great sycamore tree where he laid my head over his lap. He had washed all the blood from my hair and my face; letting me rest until I had regained my strength. He had made a fire from what dry wood he was able to find, keeping us warm from the cold, rainy night. _I'm sorry... _I had apologized to him. _For what? _He had feigned ignorance. We didn't say much after that, but the silence between us was filled by the shadows that played against the bark of the sycamore. It was something he was good at, making shadow puppets with his hands. He knew just how much he had to bend and twist to make any kind of animal. With the fire crackling behind him, and a story unfolding from the shadows before me, I listened as Folken began to tell me of the tale of the Snake and the Rabbit.

_Snake and Rabbit loved each other very much. But they could not be together, not because they were different, but because Snake could not protect her._

_It was late fall then, and winter was just around the corner. Rabbit had built a nest to shelter her from the harsh winter, as well as gather enough food to last until spring, but everything she had built and gathered was destroyed and taken by Bear. Bear never allowed other animals to have more than he did, and so, Rabbit had to face the brutal winter without a place to live and food to eat._

_When Snake found out, he told Rabbit, _I will build a home and gather food for you. _Rabbit warned him, _But Bear will take what he does not have. _Snake reassured her, _Bear takes only from those he does not fear.

_And soon, when Snake has built Rabbit a home and gathered enough food to last until spring, he returned, only to find that he was too late. She was already dying from the bitter cold and hunger. There was not enough time to save her, but Snake knew of a way._

_Snake had poisonous venom that he used to hunt his prey. When his prey was bitten, the prey's blood would boil hot. To give her enough warmth, Snake knew he must bite Rabbit, but just enough to live. If he could not control his venom, he might poison her to death. Without any other choice, Snake bit Rabbit._

_Snake tried and tried, but he could not control it. The venom had flowed into Rabbit, and though he was able to stop himself, he could not take back the poison he had given her. But alas, Rabbit had lived. Snake could not have asked for more._

_However, when Rabbit awoke from her sleep, she woke a different animal. She became feared by Bear, for he fears those that possess something that can kill him, because now, she possessed a venomous blood, something that may eventually kill her instead. But Rabbit did not know this._

_Snake also began to fear Rabbit, but for a different reason. He feared that she would not love him for what he had done to her. In trying to protect her from death, he may have just killed her instead. Unable to forgive himself, he chose not to love Rabbit any longer._

_It was a choice he could not do, but a choice he made._

I had not liked the ending to that story, so I had asked Folken, _Did Rabbit die?_

Folken had only smiled. It was both a happy and a sad smile. To this day, I never knew the answer to that question. But he had simply said, _That depends._

_On? _I had urged him to continue.

_On who she chooses._

* * *

"Hitomi..."

My eyes fluttered open. A soft orange light poured into them as a crackling sound filled my ears. I could feel the warmth of the fire embracing my skin. I could tell I was back in the cave, but I wasn't sure how long it'd been since I passed out.

"Ah, you're finally awake," Van said with a sigh of relief.

"Van?" I wondered out loud. _Was it Van calling me before? _I thought. _Or Folken..._

I tried to sit up, but Van gently pushed my shoulders back onto the floor. "Slowly, you might get dizzy again."

"I don't know what happened," I said.

"I thought it was strange how I was able to keep up with you," Van said. "Now I know why."

"Your hot sensei can never be defeated by the likes of you."

"So you admit it?" Van beamed. "You're hot and you know it!"

Oh, he knew just how to make me feel sick and nauseous instantaneously, didn't he? "Whatever." I slowly sat up with Van supporting me. "Listen, one day of training is _not _enough to prepare you for what we're going to face. But this is as much as I can do right now, because I'm not going to last much longer on this island."

Van's eyes opened wide with a sudden realization. "Your medicine..."

"I'm not sure what this is," I explained. "I usually don't have these symptoms before a seizure hits me. It's very strange, but I need to have my medicine anyway."

"Everything should be dry by now," Van said referring to last night's rain. "We can make a smoke signal tomorrow morning."

"Right," I agreed. "I just need to make it through one more night..."

"Is it the headaches?"

"No..." I answered. "It's _you_! You irritate the hell outta me!"

Taken aback, Van eventually let out a small laugh... one that turned into, well, a big laugh. _Too_ big a laugh.

"You're doing it again," I grumbled.

"Sorry," Van hung his head, defeated. He's too damn adorable sometimes. Now _that _was the most irritating thing about him. "Well, we got a long night ahead of us! What do you suppose we do?"

"How about... sleep?" I suggested sarcastically.

"But you slept all day!" Van argued. "You can't still be tired, can you?"

"What about you?" I countered. "You stayed awake all this time, haven't you? Aren't _you _tired?"

"I am," Van answered honestly. "But I can't sleep without knowing you're all right."

Wow. No gag reflex. Van was losing his irritating touch.

"I'll be fine," I assured him. "I'm just feeling a little weak."

Van let go of my shoulders, allowing me to sit up on my own. He stood up and turned his back towards me then. Pacing a couple steps away from me, he placed his hands on his hips and rolled his head around. I wasn't sure if he was just tired or if it was bothering him that I was wasn't feeling well. As much as I hated to admit it, he needed to get used to me being sick, because I wasn't going to be cured any time soon.

"I'm still getting used to this," Van said. "You know, us being connected? It's strange... because I don't experience the physical pain inflicted in you, but I can _feel_ it. When we were training today, I could feel that weakness, but my body just kept moving the way it's supposed to. It's just... how can you take it? Feeling that way all the time?"

I shrugged. "You get used to it."

"I see," Van whispered. He leaned back against the cave wall, shoving his hands down the pockets of his pants and crossing one ankle over the other. He had his head down, deep in thought, and I wondered what he was thinking. It was moments like these that I wished he thought out loud, for his thoughts were so intriguing to me.

Instead, he suddenly let out a small laugh as he bent down and picked up some grass and leaves from the ground. "I remember whenever I was sick, Folken used to do this with me." He began folding the pieces of grass and leaves together, until finally, he held it up in front of the fire. The light casted a shadow against the cave wall, and it was then that I saw the figure. It looked like a dragon with wings. "He was good at this, but he was even better with his own hands." Putting the shape of the dragon down, he folded his hands into what also looked like a dragon as well, but with only one wing. I slowly stood up, walking towards that image. It was odd, but I felt very attached to that image for some unexplainable reason. "I'm not as good at it as Folken is; this is as much as I can do."

"It's very beautiful," I whispered as I placed my hand over his. I looked into his eyes. Then I looked at the cave wall. It was then that the dragon had both wings, and that image made me smile.

"Yes, very beautiful," Van said. I turned to face him, thinking he was referring to the dragon, but his eyes had never left me.

He stared at me. And I stared right back. It was like being frozen in time. For a moment, we dared not move, nor did we dare breathe, for this moment could be broken and time would flow as it once did. Why did I suddenly feel a tight clench in my chest? It felt like tears would burst from my heart at any given moment's notice. I was sure that if I asked for time's permission to cry, it would allow me that one wish without letting this moment escape me.

"What's wrong?" Van said, breaking the seal of our moment.

I was too caught up in the sudden rush of emotions that I hadn't noticed the tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked rapidly, feeling a drop, then two, flow down my face. "Oh... I don't know..." I tried to come up with an excuse. "This just... reminds me of Folken." I smacked myself mentally. That was the best excuse I could come up with? "He used to do this with me when I was sick, too."

Van peered at the cave wall where the image of the dragon with two wings once was. Then he casted his gaze downward. "I see... you've already shared this memory with him."

"No... not this," I said, touching the wall where the image was. "He could make the shape of any living creature. But he could never make a dragon. Strange, isn't it?"

Unexpectedly, Van shot his head up and looked around the cave floor. He found a rock with jagged edges and picked it up.

"Van, what are you..."

"Trust me," he smiled. And then, he cut his finger with it.

"Van!" I cried. "What are you doing?"

He began to draw on the cave wall with his blood. His face was fixed with concentration as he sketched out a picture of a dragon with a single wing. When he was finished, he looked at me. "There. That's something Folken never did for you."

I smiled. "That's what this is about?" It was childish, but amusing. But then I grabbed the rock from Van's hands, and before he could protest, I cut my own finger and drew the other wing of the dragon. "Now it's not just yours."

Van smiled, but then he flinched. A measly cut to the finger was certainly not a problem for me, but it seemed Van was not used to such pain. I took his hand into mine; gently stroking the finger he cut, before I wrapped my lips around it. The warmth from my mouth soothed his pain a bit, as I felt him relax. He stepped closer to me and stroked my cheek with his other hand. Brushing aside the stray strands of hair off my face, he slid his hand to the back of my head and brought his lips to kiss me on my forehead.

Perhaps a picture we drew from our blood wasn't so much to contend with the years of memories I held with Folken. But that moment was above any that I shared with him. And it wasn't with him. It was between me and Van. This was our memory, ours, and ours alone.


	14. Merle's Mistake

**Author's Note: **After posting the last chapter, I got quite a number of hits! It makes me very happy to know that there are people who have kept up with my story from chapter one up until now, and for that I thank you for being a part of this experience. As for new readers, I hope I have given you something you will want to return to. :) I'd love to hear from all of you, so do write me if you get the chance! I'd like to know how my story is through your eyes. Thanks, and once again, it's another chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**XIV. **

**Merle's Mistake**

"Hitomi!"

Van's piercing voice woke me with a start. Groaning, I propped myself up from the ground. Squinting towards the shadowy figure running towards the cave from broad daylight, I complained, "There better be a damn good reason why you're waking me up like this, Van Fanel."

He pretended to think it over. "That's for dumping cold water on me."

I paused. Then defeatedly nodded. "Touche."

"I built a bunch of smoke signals around the island," Van explained. "It must've worked. There's a rescue crew heading our way."

I got up, swaying a bit from the grogginess. Van hurried to my side and helped me keep my balance as I walked out to the opening of the cave. "Where?" I asked.

"There," he pointed. I looked in that direction. It was a rather far distance, but there was indeed a boat heading our way.

"Good," I said. "Your vision's not bad."

"As good as yours?" Van smirked.

"Not quite," I smirked back at him.

"Hey," Van began defensively. "I spotted the boat before you did. My vision's better than you think."

"What's written on the side of the boat?" I asked. Van looked at me quizzically. "How many crewman are on deck? What color are their life jackets? Do they look like Fanelians or Zaibachians?"

"You can see all that?" Van was taken aback.

I stared at him.

He stared back.

Then, I laughed. "No, that's why I'm asking _you_!"

"Oh..." Van grinned sheepishly.

"I'm not _that_ super," I joked and started walking down to the shore with Van following at my heels.

It was true. I was no super girl. But that was before I knew how "super" I really was.

* * *

"HITOMI!"

That piercing shriek calling my name was different from the excited voice that woke me up earlier that morning.

"Hi professor," I grumbled. Maybe I should've stayed stranded and skipped his class forever.

Dryden marched right up to me, stepping solidly onto the sand as though his feet were made of stone. When he was just inches away from me, he plopped both of his large hands on my shoulders, with just enough pressure to make me stay put. Was he afraid I would disappear again?

"Hitomi..." he said again, then closed our proximity with a hug.

"Hrrrmph..." my voice was muffled in the smothering of his sweaty shirt. When he released me by resting his hands on my shoulders once more, I said mockingly, "Teachers aren't supposed to touch students."

"Well today, I'm not your teacher," Dryden declared. "Today, I am your friend." Strange, no gag reflex. "Where's Van?"

Peeking from behind me, Van waved in acknowledgement.

Dryden sighed in relief. "Are you both all right?" With our nods, he continued. "Were you guys nuts? We're in the middle of a storm, and you dive off the boat? You're lucky we were able to fish Allen out of the water! But what if you two hadn't survived, huh? Ever thought about that?"

"That was my brother," Van simply said. I peeked over my shoulder and admired the fire in his eyes as he said that. Dryden didn't know, but I knew that Allen wasn't really Van's brother. Yet, he was able to say that with confidence and without hesitation. By blood or not, Allen and Van were brothers. It was as simple as that.

Dryden sighed, this time in frustration, and shook his head. "What about you, Hitomi? Are you in love with the Schezar brothers or something?"

I blushed. "What?"

Then, I heard a laugh come from behind Dryden. Peering over his shoulder, a tall, blond haired man approached us. "Not likely. But if it has to be one of us, it's probably me."

"Allen!" Van exclaimed. With a beaming smile on his face, Van sprinted to his brother, scooping him up in his arms and lifting him up into the air. Putting Allen back down, Van slapped his brother's arm in a loving gesture to welcome him back. "I wasn't sure if you made it."

"I didn't think _you_ made it," Allen said in all seriousness. All of the sudden, he looked away, as though he couldn't face Van.

"We couldn't search for you on the first day," Dryden explained. "The storm was too rough. When the second day rolled around, there was still no sign of you. But when we spotted the smoke signal this morning, this brat here insisted on tagging along."

"If it wasn't for me-

"Don't," I cut Allen off, grabbing his shoulder to face me. "We're ok. You're ok. Nothing was lost."

"Actually, we missed three days of instruction-

I didn't even have to cut Dryden off with words. A good, cold hard stare did the trick.

"But if I hadn't-

"If," I cut Allen off again. "You hadn't fallen off that boat and almost died that night... a grown ass man like you would never realize the importance of learning how to swim."

"Ahhh, Van, I still can't believe you told Dryden!" Allen suddenly remembered. But his anger was mingled with Van's hysterical laughter.

Laughter. It was like a chorus of melodies. Every sound was filled with emotion; each sound possessed its own story. The island had been silent until the day Van and I washed up shore. And though we were leaving it behind, we did not take the memory of our laughter with us. The island was silent no more, and though it be tomorrow, or years from now, if ever I feel the saddest, I would return to hear our laughter once more.

* * *

"Vaaaan!"

I shuddered. It was a high-pitched piercing screech that was the voice of Merle. I could see her on the shore, jumping excitedly and waving so hard, I thought her arm would boomerang out to sea.

Allen grinned sadly. "When she heard about the incident, she dropped everything and came right over. She sat by me until I regained consciousness. I don't think she's slept at all since she got here."

I didn't say anything, but peered over my shoulder at Van. He was fidgeting. "Are you _that _excited to see your girlfriend?" I mumbled to him.

"Something's wrong," he whispered back to me.

"What is?" I asked and looked more carefully, trying not to draw any attention from the others. Then, I noticed it again. The beads of sweat on his forehead, the tension in his body, and the flickering red glow in his eyes. It was like a mild reaction of what I had witnessed just days earlier on the bus. "How often does this occur?"

"I don't know what it is," Van said, pulling at the collar of his shirt as though it were too tight. "It's never happened before I came to Fanelia."

"So this is the second time?" I asked.

He nodded. Whatever it was that was inflicting this reaction in him was unknown to me. The only other person from Zaibach whose eyes had changed color was Folken, but it was always subtle. _They change with the weather, _Folken had told me once. But I guess that was just a lie.

"If it happens again, report it to me," I instructed. "We'll figure it out somehow."

When we just barely anchored the shore, Merle came dashing through the shallow ocean water and pounced on Van. Sometimes, I wondered if she was a cat in another life. She sure could move like one at times.

"Van!" Merle exclaimed, hugging the already ill feeling young man as tightly as she could. "Thank goodness, I was _so _worried!"

Van held her and stroked her back. "I'm ok, Merle. I'm ok."

I casted my gaze downward. It was rude to stare. Climbing off the boat, I dragged my feet up the shore.

"Hitomi!" Dryden called out to me from the boat. "Don't go far, I still need to discuss some things with you and Van."

I looked over at Van. He looked back at me.

"Could it wait?" I asked. "I'm a little tired. I'd like to get some rest."

"Oh..." Dryden rubbed the back of his head. "Right. Yeah, that works. We'll talk first thing tomorrow morning, ok you two?"

Before Van could answer, I agreed and proceeded on to the cabin without looking back.

* * *

I let out a short laugh. It wasn't a good laugh. It wasn't a happy laugh. It was a sarcastic laugh.

I had opened the cabin door and flicked on the lights to be revealed to a ridiculous display that I should have expected before I even stepped in. Merle had not only brought herself to Fanelia. She had to bring _all_ of her belongings. It didn't surprise me that she'd chosen to invade Van's cabin, but the question that remained was where I was going to sleep that night.

If it came down to it, I wouldn't mind sleeping outside under the stars. It had been a while since I'd last done that. But for now, I was much too exhausted to even care. Shuffling towards the bunk, my foot hit against something soft. I looked down and saw my bag. Some of the contents had spilt out over the floor; probably when Merle moved in her gigantic suitcases in. I laughed at the thought of that, this time, amused.

I rolled into Van's bed on the bottom bunk. I probably wouldn't be here much longer, so it didn't matter to me.

Ah, sleep... I hadn't slept as much as I had in the past few days since... well, since I could remember. I wasn't just an insomniac, but I physically didn't need it as much. Though every once in a while, I'd try to catch up on it. It was times like these that I wished I'd lost my ability to dream in my sleep. That was my biggest fear every time I closed my eyes. For me, dreams were cruel things.

* * *

"I didn't think you'd still be here."

I opened my eyes. Good, no dreams. Shifting my head, I looked over and saw Merle standing by the bunk. "I was assigned this cabin."

"So I've heard," she replied and slowly stepped towards the table in the center of the room. Turning around, she placed her palms down on the edges and leaned back on it. "Seems like you got to spend a lot of time alone with my boyfriend."

Lovely. I got to deal with the insecure jealous girlfriend. Sitting up, I simply said, "I guess I did."

Merle just bit her bottom lip and stayed silent. A moment later, she cut to the chase. "The cabin assignments... being stranded on an island... I know you both didn't have a choice in the way things turned out."

"We didn't."

Merle crossed her arms. She wore layered tank tops, and I could see the structure of her bones in every limb. It was true indeed; Merle was no doubt anorexic. I wondered how I never noticed until now. "But it's not like you both didn't have free will either."

"Can you get to the point?"

She exhaled heavily and pushed herself off the table. "Did anything happen?"

I never truly mastered the art of lying. Though I could be flawless in my delivery, I could never do it right with someone I cared about. But Merle was not one of those people. "Nothing at all."

"Nothing?"

I began to feel uneasy. This was why I never wanted to develop relations with people. I'd get mixed up in different personalities and get involved with the problems that belong in _their _life. As if I didn't have enough of my own to deal with.

"Look, it's not my problem if you two are having relationship issues," I tried to brush her off.

"Who said anything about that?" Merle retorted. "Van and I are doing just fine."

"Then why are you here?"

Merle took a moment to breathe, while I took a minute to think. It was not my place to tell her that Van planned on breaking up with her. But I couldn't help feel a tinge of guilt for being the reason Van finally made that decision. Was that what they called cheating? I hated people that betrayed, decepted, and lied to those they hold dear. But even without me influencing his decision, he would've done it eventually. That was what I wanted to believe.

"It's never _him_ that I worry about."

"Maybe that's the problem," I threw back at her. I swung my legs over the side of the bed. "I may not know him as well as you do-

"You don't," Merle cut me off.

"But," I continued. "I've gone to school with him long enough to know how many girls throw themselves at him _knowing_ he's with you! Girls will do that. But if his heart is in the right place, what the hell are you so afraid of?"

"_I _am the one that grew up with Van!" Merle started, her eyes glistening. "_I _am the one who knows him better than _any_one else! _I _am the one who should be his girlfriend! But these damn sluts keep getting thinner and prettier and sneakier by the minute! Van just doesn't understand. I'm trying to protect him from getting taken away by a selfish whore!"

I let out an ironic laugh. Getting up from bed, I gathered my belongings and stuffed them back into my bag. "You're delusional."

"Excuse me?"

I paused to look at her. Disgusted by her angry stare, I threw my bag back on the ground and stepped towards her. "Selfish... you want to know what selfish is? _Selfish_ is the girlfriend who is so insecure with her relationship that she gets jealous of every girl in her boyfriend's life._ Selfish _is the girlfriend who wants to keep her boyfriend all to herself when he is not a _thing_ to be possessed in the first place. You want to know what selfish looks like? Take a look in the mirror, because I guarantee that the girl that will take Van away from you won't be one of us. It will be the girl you see standing right in front of you." I picked my bag up and continued stuffing it. "You call _me_ a selfish whore. Ever thought what a whore really is? Whore is not the woman stealing your man away. Whore is the man that allowed her to."

Hooking the bag over my shoulder, I walked away from Merle the same way I walked away from Van: without looking back.

* * *

I had gone off into a clearing in the woods. I was feeling abnormally exhausted, so I had decided to rest. But by the time the sun had begun to set in the distant horizon, I could feel it. It was coming; a seizure. I sighed. Though I'd been inflicted with this sickness for years, the body gets tired. How long would my body bear this pain and suffering?

When was the last time I had a seizure, I wondered. For a while, I had been able to control it with the trial medicines I'd been able to concoct. But every so often, it would come with brute force that even my strongest dosage could not combat. And I knew that this would be one of those times.

I rolled off of my back and rummaged through my bag for my bottle of pills. I cringed in confusion. "It's not here..." I said to myself. I turned it over and let everything cascade onto the ground, but found nothing. "Where is it..." I thought. I always carried at least half a dozen bottles: one on me and the rest for back up. I'd lost the one I carried in my pocket when I dove into the ocean to save Allen and Van. But my other bottles were no where in sight.

I thought carefully... and then realized it. "Damn it."

I'd found my bag knocked over and its contents spilled on the floor. The bottles must've rolled somewhere in the cabin; the cabin that I'd have to return to; the cabin where Merle was.

"Lovely," I grimaced. I packed up my things for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and made my way back to Cabin 333.

* * *

I knocked on the door three times. It only took a second for Merle to open it. Her short-lived excitement shriveled into a miserable death at the sight of my face.

She let out a short laugh and rolled her head back. "I can't believe this."

"Neither can I," I mumbled and quickly squeezed through the space between Merle and the door.

"Excuse me? Hitomi?" the girl said my name as-a-matter-of-factly. "You can't just barge in here whenever you feel like it."

"Too bad, I already did," I said passively while searching the cabin floor.

"Can you just stay away from Van, please?" Merle was beginning to sound impatient.

"How can I?" I replied. "He's my partner."

"Look, I know what you are, ok," she said so in a threatening voice that made me stop in my tracks. No, it wasn't her voice that scared me. It would take a hell of a lot more than this petite brat to scare me. It's what she said.

"Really?" I returned her matter-of-fact tone.

"You heard me," she retorted. "I don't know, nor do I care, what your problem is. But I won't let some pill poppin' drug addict mess around with my boyfriend. He doesn't need people like you to ruin his life, so just stay the hell away from him!"

I breathed an unsurprised sigh of relief. It would be _very_ inconvenient for me to have someone like Merle find out my _real _identity. But how did she know about the pills, I wondered. "Last time I checked, I wasn't a top candidate for narcotics rehab. But since we're on the topic, I _am_ looking for some bottles of pills. So relax, I'm not here to see your boyfriend, I just want my meds, then I'm out."

"They're gone."

"Gone?" I squinted my eyes in confusion.

"Gone," Merle repeated. "Flushed, to be precise."

The look on my face at that moment must've been something... it's a good thing I couldn't see it. It only took me a moment to register what she had said. Slowly, I began to nod with a bitter understanding. "You took a peek into my bag, didn't you?"

"I had to," she shamelessly answered. "You're not exactly a social butterfly at school. I had to know what kind of girl I'm dealing with." Merle left the door open and went to sit on one of the stools and crossed her forearms on the table. "You're lucky I didn't report you to Dryden. Consider it a favor in exchange for you keeping your distance from Van."

"You..." I started to say, but couldn't find the words to continue.

I swallowed a hard lump down my throat. On another given day, I probably would've kicked her ass. But it was not the time for that. This bitch had flushed my entire med stock down the toilet. Weeks of pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into finding a cure, and for what? So this egotistical diva could take out her pitiful insecurity woes on me.

"You have no idea what you've just done."

"Hey, I did you a favor!" Merle reasoned. "Whatever it is you're taking, it's going to kill you one day. You should be thanking me!"

I closed my eyes, squeezing the bridge of my nose with one hand and resting the other on my waist. I took a deep breath. _Calm down, Hitomi_, I told myself. I had to. The seizures could attack at any given moment, one that was bad enough to put me into a coma, or possibly even kill me. Or worse...

I could turn.

Whenever the seizures were severe enough, I could feel _it_ fighting inside of me. I didn't know what _it_ was, but I didn't want to find out. I was afraid of what it would make me become. Would I turn into a monster? Not being able to control myself, hurting people... that was my greatest fear, not knowing what I was capable of. Death was a much better alternative. At least then, I'd know how my fate would unfold. At least then, no one would get hurt because of me. No, I couldn't let this take control of me. Never.

I would deal with Merle later, but right now, I must deal with myself.

I turned over my bag, emptying it once again as I made room to pack whatever tools and gadgets I'd need to make more medicine. Rummaging through the cabin's drawers and shelves, I began taking everything. I had no time to waste; I had to bring it all.

"_What_ are you doing?" Merle asked with a ridiculous tone of voice.

"You know what, Merle," I paused for a moment to look at her. "Since you're so fond of doing me favors today, why don't you do me another one and stay the hell out of my business?"

"Oh, touchy," the girl mocked. "Well, it's not my life on the line, so do what you want."

"Right," I agreed. "Like starving yourself to get ahead in life is any better."

"What?" Merle exclaimed.

Ignoring the brat, I continued searching for a specific type of flask on the shelves. _Where is it_, I thought frustratedly. I should've paid more attention, because by the time I found it and turned around, Merle already had her hands on my bag.

I sighed heavily. "Merle-

"What did you say?" Merle demanded. "What the hell did you just say?"

"Look, I don't have time for this-

Before I could say another word, my voice was overpowered by the deafening sound of glass breaking on the floor. Merle had smashed my bag onto the ground. And she did it on purpose.

"I don't know what rumor mill you rode to get that bull shit," Merle venomously spat. "But you should take a look at yourself before you talk about things you don't know!"

Many thoughts infected my mind like a virus. I knew it was wrong of me to talk about Merle's anorexia like that. It wasn't my business to begin with; I had no right to throw it in her face. As furious as I was with her at that moment, I still knew my place. Now that it's come out, she had turned the tables and threw it right back in my face. No, I was no victim to anorexia. But I probably looked like one. It's not my fault my body's become so thin and frail.

But now was not the time to be focusing on Merle. I needed to focus on me.

"Excuse me, but I have things to do," I simply said and walked passed her.

Right when I did, she grabbed my arm, hard. But at the same time, I suddenly felt lightheaded and felt my knees give out. In just a split second, I had fallen over and crushed my forehead on the side of the table.

And then, I had no idea what was going on around me.

"Hitomi!"

I heard two voices. One belonged to Merle. And the other... Van?

"Hitomi?" Van called out to me. I could feel his arms wrapping around my body and shaking me just enough to keep me awake. A gentle hand went to my forehead where I could feel blood seeping down my face. My head hurt, and it wasn't just because of my newly acquired wound. It was coming.

"Hitomi, are you ok?" I could hear an apologetic Merle next to me.

"Merle, what happened?" Van asked.

"I... I don't know!" Merle exclaimed. "It was an accident! We were arguing and she tried to leave, so I tried to stop her and _this_ happened. I didn't do it, Van, I swear!"

"What were you fighting about?" he asked.

"She got all upset because I flushed her drugs down the toilet," Merle defended herself. "She's a total addict!"

"Wait... you did _what_?" Van's voice was suddenly rising in a panic.

"I..." Merle began skeptically. "I said I flushed her drugs. She had a ton of pills in her bag and-

"You flushed her _pills_?" Van exclaimed. Without wasting time, he redirected his attention towards me. "Hitomi, can you hear me?"

It took all the strength I had left to answer. "Yes... I can."

"Do you have any more medicine?" he asked.

"No..." I replied. "It's... coming. I... can feel it."

"What's coming?" Merle interrupted. "Van, what's going on?"

"She's not an addict," Van answered. He slowly turned his face to look at her. "She's sick."

"What?" Merle breathed. Merle always had an overpowering voice. It came with the over-the-top personality that she had. But never had I heard her voice so small as I did then.

"We'll have to make more," Van said more to himself than to us. "Merle, gather the equipment, we're going to make more medicine for Hitomi."

"But..." Merle said and peered over her shoulder at my bag, whose equipment was now permanently disabled. "I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

Van sharply exhaled. "Hitomi's running out of time. I'll deal with this alone. You just stay here and take care of her."

"But, what's wrong with her?" Merle asked.

Van adjusted his hold on me and slowly picked me up. He walked me over to his bunk and put me on his bed.

"It's a neurological dysfunction," Van lied. "She's constantly in pain. And when her headaches are bad enough, she'll have a seizure. If I don't get her this medicine..."

Van's voice was almost gone when he continued.

"...she'll die."


	15. What I Live For

**Author's Note: **It's been a while since I last updated. I've been so caught up with school, work, and music that I just let this chapter sit around. I had to rewrite the end of it about a dozen times, but I think this one works. We'll see in the next chapter if I was right! Enjoy!

* * *

**XV.**

**What I Live For**

Merle was dumbfounded. "She'll... die?"

The girl was met with a heavy silence. Neither Van nor I could say another word. What else needed to be said?

Merle's words weighed down my heart. Was this the feeling of reality setting in? I had had some close calls before. But those close calls only came to me while I was in Zaibach, where Dornkirk deliberately put me in harms way to train me, where there were his people there to take care of it if something went wrong. But out here, I was alone.

Even though Van was determined to save me, what if he couldn't do it? If something were to happen to me, having Van carry the burden of failure was worse than losing my own life. I knew too well how heavy that burden was, and I couldn't thrust this responsibility onto him.

But knowing Van... he wouldn't stop. Not until it was really over. He would never stop.

Van sat next to me on the bed. Taking my hand into his, he finally answered Merle, "No, she won't." Resting his other hand on top of mine, he added, "I won't let her."

_Van..._ I thought with my spirits lifting. Enough criticizing; even the worst pessimist must learn to see the light in an abyss of darkness. I shouldn't be doubting him; I should believe in him. I must.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Merle piped up. "Let's get Dryden and take her to the hospital!"

"No Merle," Van stopped her. "Neither Dryden nor any hospital can help Hitomi."

"What are you talking about?" Merle argued. "Van, that's their _job_! If she's going to die, they can save her!"

"No, they can't," Van insisted. "Hitomi's case is... unique. Her illness is rare and there isn't a cure in existent yet."

"But those pills..."

"Hitomi made those herself," Van explained. "It's become her mission to find a cure for herself... and for others."

"She's not alone?"

"It's possible," Van answered. "If it's possible for her to have it, then it's possible for anyone."

That was a lie. It wasn't possible for just anyone. It was only possible for _us_. However... this illness that we were cursed with was different between the children and me. Though the children had similar symptoms, their attacks were mild and temporary. No one was as inflicted as me, and I had no idea why. The only explanation I could deduce was that their illness would progress as they grew older and were more exposed to Dornkirk's treatment. And that was exactly what I needed to prevent. It was still a mystery I had yet to solve...

"Hitomi, I need to know what you put inside those pills," Van asked.

Slowly, I pointed towards my bag. "In... the pocket."

Merle quickly made her way to the bag, being careful not to cut herself with the broken glass shards that surrounded it. Unzipping the pockets, she rummaged through each until she found a small notebook. Flipping through it, she asked, "Is this it?"

"Yes," I answered. "The... last page."

Merle handed the small notebook to Van who quickly opened it up to the last page. Reading through my list of ingredients, his eyebrows furrowed. "Damn."

"What is it?" Merle asked worriedly.

"I know where to find them," Van replied. "But there are too many ingredients. There isn't enough time... I'll need help."

"I'll come with you," Merle volunteered.

It was the first time I ever heard Merle sound honest and sincere. Even though moments ago, she wanted to shut me out of Van's life for good, now she'd agreed to help him save my life. Was this the Merle that Van knew?

"No, you stay here and take care of Hitomi," Van instructed. "I'll go get Allen."

As Van said that, he looked at me apologetically. I could only nod. Bringing Allen into this would mean yet another person would know about my secret, but it was necessary.

"I'll be back soon," Van assured the two of us. "And Merle?"

"Yes?" Merle responded hesitantly.

"This is between us."

Merle simply nodded; confusion still written on her face.

At her compliance, Van walked out the door to save my life. It was ironic. How was I supposed to save another's life when I couldn't even save myself? Hopefully, I wasn't going to die. But whether or not it happened, I'd be ready for it. I'd been ready all my life. And now was not the time to start being afraid.

* * *

I shifted my body into a more comfortable position. It seemed the more I moved around, the more it didn't feel right. Though my headache had stabilized, the bleeding wound on my forehead was still throbbing. If I could stay like this for just a little while longer, long enough for Van and Allen to return, I'd be fine. But how long would that 'little while longer' be?

"They're late," Merle complained. She was standing at the front door, leaning on it with her arms crossed over her chest, and waiting for the Schezar brothers to show face. With an exasperated sigh, she paced around a bit before settling onto the stool by my bedside. Since Van left, she hadn't set her eyes on me, nor had she spoken a word, until now. "What's taking so long?"

"It's a long list," I stated. After resting a bit, I felt some of my strength come back, but this was how it usually happened. Things would be bad one moment, then get better the next. Now, all I could do was wait for that bad moment to return with a vengance. "Even with Allen's help, they both have a lot of ground to cover."

"That's not good enough!" Merle exploded, pushing herself up off the stool. "Whatever's happening in your head could get worse at any second, and those two are just taking their damn sweet time to stop it!" The girl took a deep breath before easing it out. "You could die tonight. I don't know how you can be so calm about it. Aren't you scared?"

"What's there to be afraid of?" I asked her. "We'll all die someday."

Merle shook her head and started pacing in front of my bunk. "But..."

"I'm sick," I explained. "I've accepted that. If I die from it, I've accepted that too."

"So that's it?" Merle paused in her tracks. "You're just going to give up?"

"The only thing I can do to change this is to find a cure," I answered. "Not to save myself, but to save others like me."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Merle argued and started pacing again. "You'd go through all this trouble to save some stranger's life, but you won't do this for yourself?"

"There's a difference between someone who has something to lose and someone who has responsibilities, Merle," I firmly explained. I watched as Merle finally stopped pacing, but kept her back facing me. "What would I have to live for? Everything... _anything_... I ever had in my life was taken from me long ago. So this isn't about me not wanting to die, it's that I have nothing to lose. Do you understand?"

Merle didn't respond, but I noticed how she hung her head down low. I took this moment to shift my body into a sitting position. Clearly, I wasn't going to get any more comfortable.

"The only thing I'd regret by dying now is failure," I added quietly. "Failing to do what I set out to do. This is my life... _this_ is what I live for."

"Hitomi, I..." Merle began. Slowly, she turned towards me, her eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

The girl stepped towards me until she was close enough to crumble to her knees by my bedside. Her hands, that looked just as rail thin as my own, gently squeezed my forearm.

"This is my fault. I didn't know..." she shook her head with an expression I was all too familiar with, the face of defeat. "I didn't know..."

"No one knows," I assured her. "Other than Van, no one knows. It's not your fault."

"But-

"Ah!" I suddenly cried. Just as I had predicted, my resided pain returned, and it was even more intense than before.

"Hitomi?" Merle began to panic. "It's getting worse, isn't it?"

It was beginning.

"Van and Allen will be back soon, ok!" the sound of Merle's voice was becoming distant. "They'll be here! Just hang on!"

It was happening.

The pain in my head was so unbearable that I couldn't even scream. My eyes were starting to roll back, and all I could see were flashes of a helpless Merle who didn't know what to do. I was losing control of my body. It wasn't numb, but I couldn't move it, it moved on its own.

I had had minor seizures before, but nothing like this. This was different... _too _different. At this point, I didn't know if medicine could even save me. This feeling, it was beyond what could be saved.

"I-it's... t-too... l-late," a stuttered whisper escaped from my lips.

And soon, the world became a fleeting image, one after another.

The bursting of the front door...

Van had returned...

Merle had left...

And then...

_A light._

**Author's Note... Again: **Strange ending? Perhaps. But you'll get it... grin


End file.
